THE GOLD CLASS MBA

In a revolutionary move that could change the way educational institutes in India function forever, Institute of management technology,Ghaziabad announced a new PGDM program called 'Gold Class' from the next academic year.

In an Email exchange, the esteemed director of the institute explained the rationale behind this strategic move. "There has been always a group of filthy rich retards who just want to get drunk, get wasted, screw around for two years and still receive a PGDM certificate from a prestigious institution. But sadly our educational system doesn't cater to this latent need. Even the students of management quota, popularly known as 'Pauva' entries, are made to work as hard as students who got in by merit. We strongly feel that this defeats the whole point of pauva admissions. Our new program 'Gold Class MBA' addresses these issues. Initially we named the program 'MBA for DUMMIES' but then changed it for the obvious reasons."

Through the 'Gold Class' program(the name apparently inspired by the popular mutiplex jargon), the students will be exempted from the grilling routine of the MBA life. Gold Class students needn't submit any assignments, solve any cases. Unlike students of "ordinary" PGDM, gold class students need to take up only 3 subjects for trimester. The last row of every class is reserved for these students where standard chairs and tables will be replaced by comfy cushions. Every club and committee needs to reserve two seats for the gold class members.

"But the killer feature of this gold class program is.." said the director in a enthusiastic tone," that every member of this gold class program is guaranteed a minimum CGPA of 7.5!"

The institute refused to divulge the fee they are planning to charge for this new course but one anonymous source hinted that it would be "Beyond Obscene".

"Since we already whored out our institute and it's brand name for the sake of immediate profits in many ways, this new program is just another step in the natural direction" the director justified the move by the management.

However, the reaction from the student fraternity was surprisingly mixed.

"OMG OMG! This is totally kewl....", reacted a bimbo," Like, I always wanted to do this MBA thingie, but I am like, dont know anything. Now with this program, I can have a blast for 2 years!WOOHOO"

" I don't see the point,dude. I mean, I heard that the standards of the institute are already in the dust bin. Seriously who gives a fuck if you read the case study or not" questioned a surprisingly well informed aspirant.

"Well. shit happens..." was the laconic reply by a current student of the institute.

"But what about the sanctity of education? Aren't we diluting the standards of education by introducing these programs?? Isn't the future of the next generation, thus the country responsibility of the educational institutes like IMT??" was the final question asked by us.

"LOLFAG!!!" was the cryptic reply we received from the director.

WHY BOOKS ARE INFINITELY MORE AWESOME THAN FRIENDS

1) Easy to acquire

No need to invest time and your emotions to build a relationship. No need to laugh at their stupid jokes and listen to their dumb anecdotes. You buy and the book is yours. Even better, you borrow it,forget that you borrowed it, and the book is yours!

2) Abundance

Seriously, how many interesting people are there around you? your so called 'friends' are probably the dumbest lot who play 'farmville', watch movies like 'Housefull' and post stupid cat videos on their facebook profiles!

On the other hand, I can name 100's of books whose sheer awesomeness will blow you away.

So even mathematics prove the superiority of books. numbers don't lie!!

3) Dispensability

In the unfortunate circumstances that you find a book boring, you can throw it away and read another one! Can u do it with your friends?? Not so easy, is it??You gotta be polite and sneaky as hell to shake him off. And if he can't take the hint, god bless you!

4) Convenience

Books are there for you whenever you are bored. They don't say "Dude, I am busy with stuff. catch you later,bye!" or "Are u out of your mind?? I am shagging this hot chick right now!!!"

And it's much easier to shut down a book and do your work than shaking off an intruding friend.

5) Barter

If somebody got a better or more interesting book, u can always loan it or exchange it with yours. Try that with your friends, and I am sure that awkward confrontations will ensue....

6) Fear of rejection

In every relationship, somebody trades up and the other trades down. It's very rare to find an equal. So, there is always a chance that your awesome friend will treat you as shit. Even if he doesn't show it, he probably thinks you are a retarded moron. May be he blogs about it, who knows?

But on the other hand, even the world's most awesomest book wouldn't act all snobbish in your hands. Once you acquire it, it's your bitch for life!

To sum up, the only reason you may want to maintain a friend is

A) If you are planning to shag his hot sister.

B) If that friend of yours is a girl and you don't want to mess up the .0000000000001 chance of shagging her.

Twitterbugs

I've this feeling that some of you are feeling let down by the lack of slander,virulence and venom in few of my previous posts. Let me assure that I am as Scroogish as ever. Infact, I've became more cynical and I hate this world with more rigor and aggression. And to prove my point, here is a post full of misguided arrogance, gross generalization and incredulous insensitivity.

Have fun!

I hate facebook. It's full of retards who think they are being 'kewl'. Whenever I see my acquaintances playing farmville, mafiawars or some other retarded dumbfuck game, or share yet another mind numbing application like 'friend of the day', I feel like knocking on their doors and slapping them. So I joined twitter.

I thought twitter would be different. Twitter would be more....intellectual. There are no stupid video sharings, No stupid applications, No stupid games. It would be pure aggregation of interesting information, intelligent opinion and a place to expand your knowledge.

I heard the warning bells ring when I observed that an ever-present-entity in the trending topic list is a 15 year old Canadian singer who sounds like a girl and dresses like a gay. Surely you can't expect much from a place populated by Justin Bieber fans!

And my fears were true. It turns out twitter is no better than facebook in terms of its retard quotient. So I took the pains to segregate the moronic population of twitter into different groups.

Here is how it goes:

Diary Writers:

Somehow these guys got this idea that twitter is your pubic online diary. So they update it with the most boring facts of their every day life. A typical twitter feed looks like this.

Woke up at 8'0 clock. OMG, I will be late for office!

In the metro. Gosh, its so crowded!

Just reached the office, hope the boss doesn't notice i am late. LOL!

Had a sumptuous lunch . feeling sleepy.

Logging off the comp. Back to home now :)

Watching 'My name is khan' now. Sharukh is the greatest actor in the world.

Okay. Hitting the sack. good night Tweeps! sweet dreams.....

Seriously, I don't mind tweeting your life as long as it is interesting and full of adventures, like Indiana Jones. But it is seldom the case with these tweeters. They might as well stick a note on their foreheads saying " i have the most boring life possible!"

Celebrity Hunters:

I find these creatures the most annoying thing about twitter. Their mission is to follow as many celebrities as possible and respond to every mundane thing those shit heads tweet.

A typical time line...

@Iamsrk your movie is too good,man. Keep rocking!

@realpreityzinta Why aren't you doing any movies, We are all missing you dear!

@chetan_bhagat I loooooove ur books. and don't worry. We all support YOU!

@Beingsalmankhan Welcome to twitter, sir! Itna der kyon kar diya aane mein? LOL!

@shahidkapoor What are the new movies you are doing??

Retweeters:

Okay, they are not exactly annoying. But they make me feel pity for them. These guys doesn't have absolutely any thing original to say, and all they do is to retweet the interesting tweets of the people they follow.

Quoters:

These guys are somewhat overlapped with the retweeters category. Their timeline consists of nothing but the lame ass quotes of over rated self help gurus, famous philosophers and done to death platitudes about life.

RT @paulcoelho Joy is contagious, lets spread this virus! (my reaction: No shit, sherlock!)

RT @Deepakchopra Coincidences are anonymous gifts that point to a deeper reality (my reaction: What the fuck does that mean,seriously!)

Life is not the number of breaths you take. its the number of moments that take your breath away!

Yester day is a cancelled check. tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is an unopened gift. That is why it is called...... 'PRESENT'.

Fraandshippers

Of course, any form of social platform is incomplete without this category. But twitter is a boon for the fraandshippers because you don't need others to accept your fraandship. So, you can go full throttle on your own.

@divya K Hey, beautful, where are u from? shall we be frands?

@chaitu123 Hey, are u male or female, its so confusing yaa.....

@Priyatweets Hey darling, very good looking you. wanna make frandship with me??

@Aashadev LoL, you are too funny yaa, Gimme your phone number, I wanna know you more!

Bandwagonists:

And finally, the least annoying of them all. People who heard great things about twitter; read about it in some paper or heard sharukh khan was on it; created an account, got bored and completely forgot about it! They tweet once in about three or four months, just to, I don't know, to satisfy themselves that they are not missing out on the latest 'in' thing.

but, frankly, I prefer their approach to tweeting rubbish, like the dairy writers do.

Now, this list is in no way exhaustive. I thought of at least 17 types of twitterbugs, but forgot to note them down. And I can't seem to recollect them now.But enough hatred for one post, I think. I will update any new categories i can think of.

Keep sucking guys, or else I will run out of things to make fun of......