WORDS

The downside of being a management student is, even before you know it, it makes you a bumbling, jargon spewing management zombie.

In simpler times, when i see a funny advertisement, i used to laugh and forget about it. Now, i automatically think about the "Value proposition" of the product, the marketing strategy of the brand and all other marketing bullsh*t.

When i see a smokin' hot chick walking down the road, i say to myself,"If only our GDP figure is as good as hers, our economy would have been out of recession long ago!"

It gets worse....

Whenever i see characters in the, um...., Adult films talk about various positions they want to work with each other, i think of "Positioning".

KOTLER.... MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!!!!!!

On a related note, Did you notice that the more new words you coin, however stupid and meaningless they are, the "Cooler" you are?? So i've decided to coin lame words and spread them through my blog and general conversations with people(which are very few).

So,Let me introduce to you the word Mbie(pronounced as M-bee). The M is always a capital. Most of you must have guessed the etmology,but for the dolts and imbeciles reading this blog, its the oh-so-cool short form for management zombie.

I am sure you noticed the wordplay on the word "MBA" here. and I am sure that you are amazed and dazzled by my creativity and slapping youself real hard for being not me. People, please dont be so hard on your self. Slap urself gently...

Coming up soon in this space:

The language of the Mbies!

Winter season - a SWOT analysis

GAY MOON

One of my many weird hobbies is to search the net for pathetically dumb movies and read their reviews. Because, you know, few things give me more pleasure than watching other people going down. The very idea that hundreds of people worked for months to create that sh*t gives me a high. In my minds eye, while i read those reviews,I go all MUHAHAHAHA in the faces of the crew.

Yes, i am Evil.

So, I was very eagerly waiting for the movie which i was sure is gonna satiate my psychotic appetite:THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON.

And it didn't disappoint me. Reviews unanimously panned it."The best worst movie ever!" said one. "The most atrocious,awkward and embarrassing movie of the year!" proclaimed another "Today, I realised that our generation will be remembered as people who loved sparkly vampires.FML" is a recent FML at fmylife.com.(On a related note, you should check that website. It increases your will to live in this creepy world). But the best of them is this article i read in times of India. The success of this franchise is nothing short of global crisis.

BUT...how do i know this is gonna be a disaster??

I have a secret... * imagine akshay in Tasvir *

I've read twilight!

There... I've said it. My popularity index will be taking a nosedive.... from zero to negatives!

In my defense, i have been conned by a female friend of mine, who said it was irresistible, and she finished the whole book in one go,skipping lunch and dinner.

"Wow..." I thought! "Must be good...."

Let me put it this way. It is beyond my comprehension how anybody with a strand of Y chromosome or an ounce of testosterone in their body can remotely like this book(or movie)!

Full of Cheesy romance, Corny dialog and paper board characters, this movie is a classic gay index. I mean, "I love twilight" can be a clandestine code word for gays. It may probably work like this:

Gay guy: (walks up to another guy) I love Twilight!

Other guy:(Cringes on hearing the name) Duuuuuuuuuuuude! Wats wrong with you??

Gay guy: kbye!

OR

Gay guy: (Walks up to another guy) So i was watching Twilight the other day....

other guy: Ohmygod.... I ABSOLUTELY love it!

Gay guy: Score!

It can be used to lessen the impact when you are coming out of closet infront of your family.

Mom,dad! I need something to tell you. I am..... I am a Twilight fan!

Parents: *GAASP!* * horror!*

And, guys, you can thank me for giving this fantastic advice, You can use Twilight as the ultimate break up tool.

So....Sweetums! I have booked tickets for the new Twilight movie on first day,first show.Later we can rent "Mamma Mia" home and have a blast! *

You dont need to break up with her, SHE will break up with you, and you can act all used up and

deceived, tell this story (omitting the twilight part, ofcourse) to another chick, Score again!

* Again,based on a true FML

To conclude:

If you are a guy, There, I just saved two hours of your life. Go watch some buildings blow up and bad guys get their ass kicked by bruce willis instead!

If you are a girl, You might probably hate me for being such an gender stereoptypic person. But let us be honest here, The odds of you chiggy-wiggying with me are nanoscopical, So allow me to quote Rhett butler and say :

"Frankly, dear, I don't give a damn!"

The FUN gene

A few days back, I was at my friend's room on the night of his b'day. As the crazy tradition goes(which my simple brain can't understand, btw) people are tossing him in air and kicking him all over the body. People are laughing, joking around, pulling each other's leg; happiness is written all over their faces.

Where am I? I was standing in a corner,silently observing all this frenzy. One or two times,they urged me to join the crazy kicking spree, but i passed on that generous offer. And they gave up on me and continued with their bhasad. No wonder i don't get invited to a lot of parties!!

Somewhere amid those moments, i had a profound epiphany. I can't have FUN!

When i say FUN, i mean the things people usually associate with fun: Chatting with friends, goofing around,banter,beer,dancing. Nope. Not fun for me.

Whenever people around me are having fun, i suddenly become a creepy guy who stands in a corner with a undecipherable expression on his face.Just to be socially acceptable, Sometimes i try to fake it. Sometimes i am so good at faking that i even convince my self that i am having fun. But the truth is i can never have fun.

I wonder if i am born without a Fun gene. May be i am incapable of experiencing the emotion commonly referred to as "Fun". it makes sense. If i think about many moments from the past where i was supposed to have fun,surprisingly, in most of them, i experienced the same feeling of nothingness.

The side effect of this epiphany is: I found why i am being unhappy almost always. I have been associating "having fun" with "being happy". Thus trying to have fun and failing miserably! In my case they are mutually exclusive. I feel happy when i read a book,listen to some soothing music or solve a problem. Not when i make awkward attempts at socializing,dancing and drinking! I've been seeking happiness in all the wrong places!!

P.S: There is a high probability that this post doesn't make any sense to you. But thats how ramblings and rantings work!