A New year Story!

The weather is chilly. People gathered near the bon fire; warm and fuzzy. Some are drinking. Some are eating. Some are, of course, dancing! There is ear piercing "Popular" music playing in the back ground.Some are shouting "Wooooo"s for no apparent reason, perhaps to demonstrate they are full of joy?

As it is customary with any gathering, some lame guys are desperately trying to catch the attention of the members of the opposite sex. Some are announcing the unsolicited updates about the status of the current year:" 30 mins to midnight, Yaaaay" ,"20 mins to new year,Yaaaaaayy"

Oblivious to all this hungama, in the ground, in the shade of a lonely tree on a bench sat a lonely geek. The bench is all wet from the mist but the geek doesn't care. He is looking at the sky. Directly above his head is the moon.

Some dude came: Hey, man! Wattare u doing here?

Geek: I am watching the moon

The dude apparantly was at loss for words.But he gathered his thought and said: Watching... Why..?? Why would anybody, any sane person, sit and watch the f*&in moon on a new year's eve when a party is going on 20 feet away??

Geek: Its lunar eclipse today. I've never watched one.

Dude: Lunar eclipse? But its new year!!!

Geek: Its also lunar eclipse.

Dude: F*&ing Dork! You are never gonna get laid!

Geek: I am so gonna write about this in my blog...

TRUE STORY!

Following is an excerpt from my highly verbose and thoroughly useless Organizational Behaviour Textbook. I swear on Chandler bing that i am not making this up:

"... Whenever a Wal-Mart executive visits one of the stores, he or she leads employees in the Wal-mart cheer:" Give me a W! Give me an A! Give me a L! Give me a sqiggly! (All do a version of the twist.) Give me an M! Give me an A! Give me an R! Give me a T! What's that spell? Wall-mart! Who's No.1? THE CUSTOMER!"

The cheer strengthens bonds among employees and reinforces their commitment to common goals. This is a way of integration....."

Sheer Dilbert material!

Needless to say, I've been scouting internet from the morning to get a video of this ordeal.

Boy, I don't know where i will end up working, but i sure know where i will NOT be working!

Avatar - The story of US

Day before yesterday:

Project submissions, Power point presentations,looming end terms,freezing cold,nothing stopped us from catching Avatar a day before its release, oh wait, except the theatre it self!

We thought we were the luckiest people on earth when we were told exactly 6 tickets were left for the show, miraculously in the back rows, in a continuous stretch! We settled in our seats,wore the 3D glasses and prepared ourselves for the experience of our life time. The movie started, we kept waiting for the 3D effects, but none came.soon it became apparent to me that we were watching a 2D movie,not a 3D. Somebody confronted with the manager and he confessed that there was a technical difficulty with the 3D version and they are running the 2D version now.

But even that version ran into glitches, so they are cancelling the show.

Hold on for a moment and grasp this. He actually distributed 3D glasses to audience,ran a 2D movie and hoped that no one will notice the difference.I mean, I am a huge believer of "Wishing reaaallllly haard" concept, but frankly, this is taking the concept to ridiculous levels.

So we got the money back and came back to IMT, marveling at the peanut brain of manager of Big cinemas.

Yesterday:

The watch is displaying the time 13:10. I was rolling lazily in my blanket contemplating whether lunch is worthy of getting out of bed(yeah, thats how i roll). I got a call from a friend. They are planning a second attack on the movie. This time there was no question of which is a better choice. We were in the hall by 13:50.

Okay, Mr. cameron. Mesmerize me!

And he did. For 160 minutes. When i read RGV's praise about the movie, i was suspicious, but he nailed it when he said cameron's world is more beautiful than the God's. But its pretty much redundant to talk about the technical brilliance of the movie. Unless you are in the Big boss house, you must have heard about it. What appealed to me is the brilliance of the story.

We have seen countless movies in where little green aliens come to earth because their planet is over populated or they need earth's resources. We have seen how earthlings manage to beat them and rooted for earth. Cameron just reversed the situation and made US the aliens!

Thinking from another perspective, this story is not so much lifted from science fiction as from history books. One thought that lingered in mind through out the movie was: This must be what happened when the English set foot in U.S ,or India for that fact. They came, they promised development, they taught us English, they thought they are making us civilized people, but ultimately all they wanted was our resources. All cameron did was to Change the setting from country level to Planetary level!

You see,from both the perspectives,Avatar is a story of US. And thats where lies its brilliance. People who say that the emotional quotient is not so great as Titanic, i can't disagree more. It poses many questions and makes us think about our actions,albeit undercurrently.Behind all the motion capture techniques,big explosions,and the dazzlingly beautiful effects, this is a film with a heart!

Today:

Just booked a ticket for the 3D version of the movie. Enough pondering over the story. Time to drool over the effects!

P.S: When the characters talk about each tree in pandora linked to another and the implications of those connections, i couldn't help but wonder: this concept of collective consciousness is knocking on my door wherever i go,in books, in films, in news paper articles. And each time, its getting more convincing....

WORDS

The downside of being a management student is, even before you know it, it makes you a bumbling, jargon spewing management zombie.

In simpler times, when i see a funny advertisement, i used to laugh and forget about it. Now, i automatically think about the "Value proposition" of the product, the marketing strategy of the brand and all other marketing bullsh*t.

When i see a smokin' hot chick walking down the road, i say to myself,"If only our GDP figure is as good as hers, our economy would have been out of recession long ago!"

It gets worse....

Whenever i see characters in the, um...., Adult films talk about various positions they want to work with each other, i think of "Positioning".

KOTLER.... MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!!!!!!

On a related note, Did you notice that the more new words you coin, however stupid and meaningless they are, the "Cooler" you are?? So i've decided to coin lame words and spread them through my blog and general conversations with people(which are very few).

So,Let me introduce to you the word Mbie(pronounced as M-bee). The M is always a capital. Most of you must have guessed the etmology,but for the dolts and imbeciles reading this blog, its the oh-so-cool short form for management zombie.

I am sure you noticed the wordplay on the word "MBA" here. and I am sure that you are amazed and dazzled by my creativity and slapping youself real hard for being not me. People, please dont be so hard on your self. Slap urself gently...

Coming up soon in this space:

The language of the Mbies!

Winter season - a SWOT analysis

GAY MOON

One of my many weird hobbies is to search the net for pathetically dumb movies and read their reviews. Because, you know, few things give me more pleasure than watching other people going down. The very idea that hundreds of people worked for months to create that sh*t gives me a high. In my minds eye, while i read those reviews,I go all MUHAHAHAHA in the faces of the crew.

Yes, i am Evil.

So, I was very eagerly waiting for the movie which i was sure is gonna satiate my psychotic appetite:THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON.

And it didn't disappoint me. Reviews unanimously panned it."The best worst movie ever!" said one. "The most atrocious,awkward and embarrassing movie of the year!" proclaimed another "Today, I realised that our generation will be remembered as people who loved sparkly vampires.FML" is a recent FML at fmylife.com.(On a related note, you should check that website. It increases your will to live in this creepy world). But the best of them is this article i read in times of India. The success of this franchise is nothing short of global crisis.

BUT...how do i know this is gonna be a disaster??

I have a secret... * imagine akshay in Tasvir *

I've read twilight!

There... I've said it. My popularity index will be taking a nosedive.... from zero to negatives!

In my defense, i have been conned by a female friend of mine, who said it was irresistible, and she finished the whole book in one go,skipping lunch and dinner.

"Wow..." I thought! "Must be good...."

Let me put it this way. It is beyond my comprehension how anybody with a strand of Y chromosome or an ounce of testosterone in their body can remotely like this book(or movie)!

Full of Cheesy romance, Corny dialog and paper board characters, this movie is a classic gay index. I mean, "I love twilight" can be a clandestine code word for gays. It may probably work like this:

Gay guy: (walks up to another guy) I love Twilight!

Other guy:(Cringes on hearing the name) Duuuuuuuuuuuude! Wats wrong with you??

Gay guy: kbye!

OR

Gay guy: (Walks up to another guy) So i was watching Twilight the other day....

other guy: Ohmygod.... I ABSOLUTELY love it!

Gay guy: Score!

It can be used to lessen the impact when you are coming out of closet infront of your family.

Mom,dad! I need something to tell you. I am..... I am a Twilight fan!

Parents: *GAASP!* * horror!*

And, guys, you can thank me for giving this fantastic advice, You can use Twilight as the ultimate break up tool.

So....Sweetums! I have booked tickets for the new Twilight movie on first day,first show.Later we can rent "Mamma Mia" home and have a blast! *

You dont need to break up with her, SHE will break up with you, and you can act all used up and

deceived, tell this story (omitting the twilight part, ofcourse) to another chick, Score again!

* Again,based on a true FML

To conclude:

If you are a guy, There, I just saved two hours of your life. Go watch some buildings blow up and bad guys get their ass kicked by bruce willis instead!

If you are a girl, You might probably hate me for being such an gender stereoptypic person. But let us be honest here, The odds of you chiggy-wiggying with me are nanoscopical, So allow me to quote Rhett butler and say :

"Frankly, dear, I don't give a damn!"

The FUN gene

A few days back, I was at my friend's room on the night of his b'day. As the crazy tradition goes(which my simple brain can't understand, btw) people are tossing him in air and kicking him all over the body. People are laughing, joking around, pulling each other's leg; happiness is written all over their faces.

Where am I? I was standing in a corner,silently observing all this frenzy. One or two times,they urged me to join the crazy kicking spree, but i passed on that generous offer. And they gave up on me and continued with their bhasad. No wonder i don't get invited to a lot of parties!!

Somewhere amid those moments, i had a profound epiphany. I can't have FUN!

When i say FUN, i mean the things people usually associate with fun: Chatting with friends, goofing around,banter,beer,dancing. Nope. Not fun for me.

Whenever people around me are having fun, i suddenly become a creepy guy who stands in a corner with a undecipherable expression on his face.Just to be socially acceptable, Sometimes i try to fake it. Sometimes i am so good at faking that i even convince my self that i am having fun. But the truth is i can never have fun.

I wonder if i am born without a Fun gene. May be i am incapable of experiencing the emotion commonly referred to as "Fun". it makes sense. If i think about many moments from the past where i was supposed to have fun,surprisingly, in most of them, i experienced the same feeling of nothingness.

The side effect of this epiphany is: I found why i am being unhappy almost always. I have been associating "having fun" with "being happy". Thus trying to have fun and failing miserably! In my case they are mutually exclusive. I feel happy when i read a book,listen to some soothing music or solve a problem. Not when i make awkward attempts at socializing,dancing and drinking! I've been seeking happiness in all the wrong places!!

P.S: There is a high probability that this post doesn't make any sense to you. But thats how ramblings and rantings work!