The FUN gene

A few days back, I was at my friend's room on the night of his b'day. As the crazy tradition goes(which my simple brain can't understand, btw) people are tossing him in air and kicking him all over the body. People are laughing, joking around, pulling each other's leg; happiness is written all over their faces.

Where am I? I was standing in a corner,silently observing all this frenzy. One or two times,they urged me to join the crazy kicking spree, but i passed on that generous offer. And they gave up on me and continued with their bhasad. No wonder i don't get invited to a lot of parties!!

Somewhere amid those moments, i had a profound epiphany. I can't have FUN!

When i say FUN, i mean the things people usually associate with fun: Chatting with friends, goofing around,banter,beer,dancing. Nope. Not fun for me.

Whenever people around me are having fun, i suddenly become a creepy guy who stands in a corner with a undecipherable expression on his face.Just to be socially acceptable, Sometimes i try to fake it. Sometimes i am so good at faking that i even convince my self that i am having fun. But the truth is i can never have fun.

I wonder if i am born without a Fun gene. May be i am incapable of experiencing the emotion commonly referred to as "Fun". it makes sense. If i think about many moments from the past where i was supposed to have fun,surprisingly, in most of them, i experienced the same feeling of nothingness.

The side effect of this epiphany is: I found why i am being unhappy almost always. I have been associating "having fun" with "being happy". Thus trying to have fun and failing miserably! In my case they are mutually exclusive. I feel happy when i read a book,listen to some soothing music or solve a problem. Not when i make awkward attempts at socializing,dancing and drinking! I've been seeking happiness in all the wrong places!!

P.S: There is a high probability that this post doesn't make any sense to you. But thats how ramblings and rantings work!