MAD!

Disclaimer: If this post seems like a poor collection of haphazardly constructed sentences, it is because I am writing this while listening to the songs of balakrishna's epic movie 'Simha'. Not because I am a talentless dork who thinks he is funny. I know I am awesome.

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Defining moments. Every man's life will have a bunch of them which will change the course of his life forever. When I say man, I mean man. I don't know about women and I don't want to speculate. But probably their most defining moment is when they lay their eyes on that beautiful pink prada bag or something. Yeah, I am a MCP.

Coming back to man and his defining moments, you would think that these are very personal and different for different people. They are, if you are noble prize winner or something. For all other good for nothing every day jacks like you and me, they are fairly common and predictable.

They go something like this:

- first bully fight in school

- first time you became aware of your "thing" and its many, um,undiscovered functions

- your first drink/cigarette/drugs/other crazy shit youth do that i've no idea about

- your first love are u effing kidding me? Its as much a defining moment as your first potty training. get over it!

- first kiss

- first time sex I've it on expert authority that this is highly over rated and mostly awkward experience.

- first appraisal on job

- first time some one calls you uncle instead of 'bhaiyya'

- your slow, painful, inevitable death

No, I didn't skip any between the last two items. That is what I feel. Once you are called an 'uncle', all that is left in your life is to wait for the sweet cold embrace of the grim reaper.

And that happened to me today!

I was standing in the Rajiv chowk metro station today, on my way to watch LSD. I was examining the route map when I first heard that fateful word

I couldn't believe my ears.

I couldn't believe my eyes either.

Because its not some 4 year child who called me that dreadful word. Its a gang of some 12 year old giggling girls.

They asked me something about the train schedule, but my mind freezed in that moment. It kept playing "that" word in my head like in a b grade hindi film.

Uncle?

Uncle???

I've no idea how i watched the movie and returned home.

I know I am not exactly a fashion icon. My wardrobe leaves much to be desired. Clean underpants and stainless shirts if you want me to be specific. But still, I think it is unacceptable that I should be addressed as "uncle".

So I've decided to do the most sensible and fruitful thing to do.

I am writing an open letter to all the women of delhi through my blog. The fact that the female reader count of my blog borders on zero will not deter me!

So, here it goes:

Dear delhi girls, especially those bird brained giggly teenage types:

I am not a 'uncle'. This is what an average 'uncle' looks like.

On the other hand, this is how me and other average 23 year olds look like.

So, stop f**king calling me UNCLE or else I will catch hold of each one of you and explain in detail

the history and significance of string theory! And believe me, you wouldn't want to know that!

Kthxbai