Taxing the happy

It was the wee hours of the morning. I was sitting on the outer edge of the amphi theatre, with a drink in hand and an eternal sullen expression on face. Around me are hundred odd happy souls, dancing to the tunes of latest bollywood and tacky 90's american rock. It was another one of those B school parties.

A mild depression engulfed my sensesas I watched these people. I said to the guy sitting next to me, " Look at them. Look at their smile, their awkward yet unselfcouncious dancing. I don't understand why they are so happy. Or how they can be so happy!"

The guy smiled and replied, " What! You think they are happy?"

"Well. They look happy happy to me...."

"The truth is" he said, " They are all dancing and singing just because they are expected to do so in a party. Nobody here actually have a clue what they are doing or why they are doing it. Look over there..." he pointed to a group of people shaking their heads in a frenzy. "Those morons are head banging to 'Emotional Attyachar'! The only reason they look happy to you is that they are conditioned to look so".

"So, what you are saying is that.... they are just pretending to be happy?"

"Not consciously, but yes.".

We sat there silently for few moments. Then I had that epiphany.

"Happiness should be taxed", I said.

He looked at me questioningly.

"It makes complete sense". I was suddenly excited.(Disclosure: I was mildly high.) " You see what is happening here? Those idiots are pretending to be happy just because society expects them to be. And looking at those phonies, chronic sourpusses like me are slipping into an even deeper states of depression, thinking that we are the only unfortunate souls. This must be stopped. And taxing the happiness is the only way."

He didn't say anything. I eagerly continued to support my case. " You see, if we tax the happiness, people will stop pretending to be happy. And if they are really happy, why should they get it for free? after all, it's also a kind of wealth, isn't it?"

"Okay, Mr. Adam Smith" he said "But don't you realize what will happen when we tax happiness? People will go out of their way to show the world that they are not happy. Just like they are doing the opposite now. Even people who are happy will pretend to be unhappy and submit fake receipts of depression pills as a proof"

" I can live with that." I mumured "Happiness is just an aberration from the equilibrium anyway. A glitch in the matrix......"

THE GOLD CLASS MBA

In a revolutionary move that could change the way educational institutes in India function forever, Institute of management technology,Ghaziabad announced a new PGDM program called 'Gold Class' from the next academic year.

In an Email exchange, the esteemed director of the institute explained the rationale behind this strategic move. "There has been always a group of filthy rich retards who just want to get drunk, get wasted, screw around for two years and still receive a PGDM certificate from a prestigious institution. But sadly our educational system doesn't cater to this latent need. Even the students of management quota, popularly known as 'Pauva' entries, are made to work as hard as students who got in by merit. We strongly feel that this defeats the whole point of pauva admissions. Our new program 'Gold Class MBA' addresses these issues. Initially we named the program 'MBA for DUMMIES' but then changed it for the obvious reasons."

Through the 'Gold Class' program(the name apparently inspired by the popular mutiplex jargon), the students will be exempted from the grilling routine of the MBA life. Gold Class students needn't submit any assignments, solve any cases. Unlike students of "ordinary" PGDM, gold class students need to take up only 3 subjects for trimester. The last row of every class is reserved for these students where standard chairs and tables will be replaced by comfy cushions. Every club and committee needs to reserve two seats for the gold class members.

"But the killer feature of this gold class program is.." said the director in a enthusiastic tone," that every member of this gold class program is guaranteed a minimum CGPA of 7.5!"

The institute refused to divulge the fee they are planning to charge for this new course but one anonymous source hinted that it would be "Beyond Obscene".

"Since we already whored out our institute and it's brand name for the sake of immediate profits in many ways, this new program is just another step in the natural direction" the director justified the move by the management.

However, the reaction from the student fraternity was surprisingly mixed.

"OMG OMG! This is totally kewl....", reacted a bimbo," Like, I always wanted to do this MBA thingie, but I am like, dont know anything. Now with this program, I can have a blast for 2 years!WOOHOO"

" I don't see the point,dude. I mean, I heard that the standards of the institute are already in the dust bin. Seriously who gives a fuck if you read the case study or not" questioned a surprisingly well informed aspirant.

"Well. shit happens..." was the laconic reply by a current student of the institute.

"But what about the sanctity of education? Aren't we diluting the standards of education by introducing these programs?? Isn't the future of the next generation, thus the country responsibility of the educational institutes like IMT??" was the final question asked by us.

"LOLFAG!!!" was the cryptic reply we received from the director.

WHY BOOKS ARE INFINITELY MORE AWESOME THAN FRIENDS

1) Easy to acquire

No need to invest time and your emotions to build a relationship. No need to laugh at their stupid jokes and listen to their dumb anecdotes. You buy and the book is yours. Even better, you borrow it,forget that you borrowed it, and the book is yours!

2) Abundance

Seriously, how many interesting people are there around you? your so called 'friends' are probably the dumbest lot who play 'farmville', watch movies like 'Housefull' and post stupid cat videos on their facebook profiles!

On the other hand, I can name 100's of books whose sheer awesomeness will blow you away.

So even mathematics prove the superiority of books. numbers don't lie!!

3) Dispensability

In the unfortunate circumstances that you find a book boring, you can throw it away and read another one! Can u do it with your friends?? Not so easy, is it??You gotta be polite and sneaky as hell to shake him off. And if he can't take the hint, god bless you!

4) Convenience

Books are there for you whenever you are bored. They don't say "Dude, I am busy with stuff. catch you later,bye!" or "Are u out of your mind?? I am shagging this hot chick right now!!!"

And it's much easier to shut down a book and do your work than shaking off an intruding friend.

5) Barter

If somebody got a better or more interesting book, u can always loan it or exchange it with yours. Try that with your friends, and I am sure that awkward confrontations will ensue....

6) Fear of rejection

In every relationship, somebody trades up and the other trades down. It's very rare to find an equal. So, there is always a chance that your awesome friend will treat you as shit. Even if he doesn't show it, he probably thinks you are a retarded moron. May be he blogs about it, who knows?

But on the other hand, even the world's most awesomest book wouldn't act all snobbish in your hands. Once you acquire it, it's your bitch for life!

To sum up, the only reason you may want to maintain a friend is

A) If you are planning to shag his hot sister.

B) If that friend of yours is a girl and you don't want to mess up the .0000000000001 chance of shagging her.