Sangeek calling Sangeek

Time: 5:00 AM

Place: An undisclosed room of an undisclosed hostel of an obscure B-school

Trrrrrrrring.... Triiiiiiiiiiing...

Sangeek: hello....

Other side: Good morning, sangeek...

Sangeek: who r u?

Other side: Didn't recognize my voice? I am Sangeek speaking....

Sangeek: Sangeek?? whoddafock?

Sangeek 2: Surprised,aren't you?

Sangeek: OMG! Are u calling from the future?? Am i talking to my future self??

Sangeek 2: Duuude, this is why you aren't getting laid! Shut your geeky mouth and listen!!

Sangeek : ....... Okay.

Sangeek 2: I am gonna change your life,bro! I know you have crush on that girl in finance. I am gonna tell you what you need to do to make her fall for you, I...

Sangeek: Thnx, but no thnx!

Sangeek 2: Wat??

Sangeek: I don't want to talk to her. I would rather stalk her on facebook and stare at her from a distance.

Sangeek 2: Duuuuuude, what the shmuck are you talking? Y don't you want to talk to her??

Sangeek 1: You see, for me,she is the manifestation of everything pristine and beautiful in this world.

Sangeek 2: yeah, so??

Sangeek : But the problem is, I am a chronic cynic. I hate this world and almost everything in it. I firmly believe that the human race should be exterminated by a meteorite. I find people either incredibly stupid or incorrigibly arrogant.

Sangeek 2: So??

Sangeek : Don't you get it? The reason I am able to love her is that I don't know anything about her. I've never spoken to her, I've never heard her speak, for that matter. For all I know, she can be as intelligent as Ayn Rand or as annoying as Priyanka Chopra!

Sangeek 2: ........

Sangeek: But it will no longer be the case when I start speaking to her. I may find her boring, I may find her dumb,I may find her mean! She may not turn out to be the 'angel' I made her in my mind.

Paradise might be lost all over again, in my head!

Sangeek 2: That's crazy talk! What if you actually like her? Aren't you gonna regret not taking the chance??

Sangeek: Even If I DO like her, that's not gonna stay like that forever.Love fades over time.familiarity kills wonder. What if, in future, I no longer find my self drawn towards her as i am now? The mere fact that i may stop loving her makes me sick. So I decided that I would rather make this a perfect memory than a disappointing reality!

Sangeek 2: So,basically, your love story is Dead On Arrival??

Sangeek: I would rather think of it as avoiding inevitable tragic ending.

Sangeek 2: You're messed up!

Sangeek: But....

Sangeek 2: STFU! I am hanging up......

Click.....................................

***All the characters are fictional beyond reason and doubt, including the girl in finance!***

THE LONELY TREE

I was walking in the amphi, listening to the music of crushed dry leaves under my bare foot. It was an exhilarating experience. Autumn is under rated! For some reason, people doesn't find it appealing. Well, not me!

I sat down on the steps, watching the leaves fall down from the trees surrounding me. Have you ever watched a falling leaf? It dangles from the tip of the branch precariously, a whiff of the wind is all it takes for it to start its earthly descent. It swirls, sways and dances to the tune of the wind as if celebrating its own death! Looking at all the trees around me, with bare twigs and branches, I felt like an intruder in nature's dressing room. Autumn may look ugly to some, but for me it is the most beautiful thing.

I stood up and walked into the ground. At the end of the ground is the building which is open for all around the clock but inhibited by only a handful of geeky souls. In the middle of the ground,almost incongruous in its presence, is a big lonely tree.

Its strange, isn't it? To call a tree lonely? I don't know why, but every time I look at it, the phrase automatically comes to my mind. Our campus is full of greenery. Stand any where,look in any direction, and you will find grass and trees. The trees are often in clusters, with every tree brushing the branches of another tree. This lonely tree is the single aberration, standing in the middle of no where.It is in a place full of other trees, and yet, it is far away from any of them. Sometimes I wonder how it must be feeling....

Is it sad that it is lonely?

Or is it content because it stood out from the rest?

I've a feeling that the day I find the answer to this question, my quest for happiness might end!

HATE LIST

Full disclosure: I am a borderline sociopath who is two stupid forward mails away from going on a crazy killing spree. I hate people.The sight of the world depresses me to no end. So it was only a matter of time before i came up with my own "Hate list".

What depresses me the most is this list covers 95% of the people I know.

Disclaimer: I use the word HATE liberally. Whenever I use it, it could mean anything among irritating,disgusting,depressing,funny,stupid,crazy and of course, hate. Figure it out for yourself.

Also, Please note that this list is in no way exhaustive. People are very creative when it comes to pissing me off. Also, there are some categories which can't be hated enough in two lines and deserve a separate post.

So, Without further delay, here's my hate list:

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people who write www.yahoo.com as "my webpage" in Orkut. Or people who write "my wedding date or my birthday" for the question: Your ideal date. These morons shouldn't be allowed to breed. I am NOT joking!

People who send 'fraand' requests to random girls. Seriously, How lame can people be?

people who start their conversation wth "sup dude?". Guess what Salinger would have called them?

People with ridiculous mail ids like princecharming4u@gmail.com - GTFO!

People who send chain messages like "send this to 8 ppl and ur love will kiss u on nearest possible friday!" or "Bill gates is sharing his wealth" mails.Seriously, how dumb you have to be to forward that crap?

Slactivists who delude them selves into thinking that they are actually serving the society by posting their bra colors on facebook or wearing green clothes on environmental day

newly wed girls who set their profile pic to "her with husband's hand on her shoulder". Its plain irritating for some inexplicable reason...Its like announcing to the world"Look at me bitches! Look how happy i am! I am married, muhahahaha!". Please note that i've no problem watever things they upload into their photo albums. Its the profile pic that bugs me!

people who figuratively use the word "literally". The most depressing part is when you see this in newspapers and books!

People who posted "all izz well..." in their status msgs or use it in their conversations. Too much exposure. Too predictable. I don't know why but it drives me crazy. Its just mega lame!

People who post personal msgs as their status msgs which they were too afraid to say to other people directly.

Eg: Why are you annoyed at me?? :(

I don't know?? You fucking ask that person!

People who play farmville/mafia wars on facebook. Dont ask why.They just depress me!

People who use "cool","lol","ROFLMAO" in every second phrase they write

On a related note, People who write " I am a cool and friendly guy" in their "about me"s.

Girly girls who demand attention,like shopping,want to be protected, and looooooooooooove 'Edward Cullen'. Hey girls! Here's a heads up: princecharmings doesn't exist! get real!!

People who think they read books because they've read chetan bhagat and sidny sheldon!

People who list "watching movies","Chilling out with friends" as their activities in orkut and fb.

People who fervently discuss question paper after exams and try to outwit each other with arguments like "I got 22 marks, you got 22.5. ergo, u are a genius!" We are in a fucking B-school,Dorks! Not in 8th grade!!

People who think loving India is equal to hating Pakistan.

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If you find your self in the list, Congratulations. You are a normal person. And you are probably considered as a "Cool guy" by your peers.

If you are not there, Well, wait till the next list!

P.S: You might have observed that the list is dominated by social networking references rather than real life. Thanks to my Scrooge-ish behavior coupled with my social awkwardness, My social circle can be literally counted on fingers. Yes, literally, not figuratively. So i had no choice but to turn to internet for hating people. Kthxbai

The catcher in the MBA

The clock struck 12'0 clock.The music has started. I looked out of the window and saw people assembling around amphi for the party.

I sighed and connected my head phones and hoped they were strong enough to drown out the mayhem due outside.

It was the culmination of Chakravyuh, our college's sports festival. It was supposed to be a big deal and all, but i find it utterly uninteresting.But i guess its okay, since i got holidays for three days, and you can't have too many of them, can you??

This parties kill me. People are weird enough without getting drunk, but they get absolutely unbearable on these occasions. Add to that the stupid dancing they all do in groups, i feel like puking....

Let me be honest, I've been there and done that stuff, but i was stupid.Just like those people out there right now.I removed the headphones and shut down my laptop. My feeble headphones are no match for the what must be a goddamn gazillion watt sophisticated sound system out there.

I wore my sweat shirt and walked out of the hostel. I didn't feel much cold, but i wore the sweat shirt anyways. These people give me weird looks if you step out without all this winter gear.You are supposed to be shivering,rubbing your hands for heat and crib about how cold the weather is and all that stuff. Or else they say something moronic like," u southies have a rough skin!" Phonies!!

The music got louder and louder as i approached the amphi. As i was passing it, some guy stopped me and tried to get me dancing.

"Swell man, but I am going to library!" I said.

You would think he would end the discussion and leave me and all, but no!

"Duuuuuuuuuuuude!", he moaned. "Y the hell do u want to go to library??"

"Because not a single thing about this party interests me, Not the crappy bollywood songs u play, not the alcohol, and not that goddamn dance. Thats why"

"You seriously need some girls in your life, man!" he said.

"Thanx. But I think an intelligent conversation now and then with a non-moronic person will do" I said and left. I bet he didn't understand a word i said.

When i entered the library, the librarian looked at me like he was looking at a ghost. The library was dead empty, almost all the lights were switched off. I went to a shelf and took HBR and started reading. For a few blessed minutes, i forgot about all the phonies around me!

But the noise out side increased to such an unbearable limits that even the walls of the library aren't enough to stop it. The librarian, apparently, has no problem with it. I threw the book away, and walked out of the library. This is going to be a long night.

As i approached the amphi again on my way back to the hostel, i looked at my watch. Its almost 3AM. I took a sudden diversion and sat on the upper steps. These idiots wouldn't let me sleep, i might as well sit there and observe their lame phony behavior.

The amphi is full of drunken people swaying their bodies in random directions to the music. I don't know why they are dancing, and i dont think they don't know either. This DJ, stops the music suddenly at the popular phrases, and the crowd starts singing along those lines. It was supposed to be uber-cool and all, but i tell you, It's really depressing, if you ask me.

Then this DJ guy plays an supposedly emotional number, which talks about the greatness of friendship, the pain of leaving your friends and all that shit. Then all these phonies would start hugging each other and get all emotional and stuff. I kid you not! Its like they are living for each other and couldn't live without each other and like that. These are the guys who bitched,back stabbed each other all these months and wouldn't recall each others names after ten years.Now,hugging each other like they are some goddamn lovers! Its the phoniest thing you will ever see, I tell you!

Then it got worse. The power went off. Then everybody took out their cell phones and all and started swaying them as it its the most creative idea in the world. I felt like puking. i couldn't withstand the phoniness for another minute. I started going back to the room, on the way, some guy is yelling at another, "Waaadddup man, Swell party, huh??"

GODDAMN PHONIES!

PS: To salinger, who introduced me to my own story, for helping me understand who i am....