A New year Story!

The weather is chilly. People gathered near the bon fire; warm and fuzzy. Some are drinking. Some are eating. Some are, of course, dancing! There is ear piercing "Popular" music playing in the back ground.Some are shouting "Wooooo"s for no apparent reason, perhaps to demonstrate they are full of joy?

As it is customary with any gathering, some lame guys are desperately trying to catch the attention of the members of the opposite sex. Some are announcing the unsolicited updates about the status of the current year:" 30 mins to midnight, Yaaaay" ,"20 mins to new year,Yaaaaaayy"

Oblivious to all this hungama, in the ground, in the shade of a lonely tree on a bench sat a lonely geek. The bench is all wet from the mist but the geek doesn't care. He is looking at the sky. Directly above his head is the moon.

Some dude came: Hey, man! Wattare u doing here?

Geek: I am watching the moon

The dude apparantly was at loss for words.But he gathered his thought and said: Watching... Why..?? Why would anybody, any sane person, sit and watch the f*&in moon on a new year's eve when a party is going on 20 feet away??

Geek: Its lunar eclipse today. I've never watched one.

Dude: Lunar eclipse? But its new year!!!

Geek: Its also lunar eclipse.

Dude: F*&ing Dork! You are never gonna get laid!

Geek: I am so gonna write about this in my blog...

TRUE STORY!

Following is an excerpt from my highly verbose and thoroughly useless Organizational Behaviour Textbook. I swear on Chandler bing that i am not making this up:

"... Whenever a Wal-Mart executive visits one of the stores, he or she leads employees in the Wal-mart cheer:" Give me a W! Give me an A! Give me a L! Give me a sqiggly! (All do a version of the twist.) Give me an M! Give me an A! Give me an R! Give me a T! What's that spell? Wall-mart! Who's No.1? THE CUSTOMER!"

The cheer strengthens bonds among employees and reinforces their commitment to common goals. This is a way of integration....."

Sheer Dilbert material!

Needless to say, I've been scouting internet from the morning to get a video of this ordeal.

Boy, I don't know where i will end up working, but i sure know where i will NOT be working!

Avatar - The story of US

Day before yesterday:

Project submissions, Power point presentations,looming end terms,freezing cold,nothing stopped us from catching Avatar a day before its release, oh wait, except the theatre it self!

We thought we were the luckiest people on earth when we were told exactly 6 tickets were left for the show, miraculously in the back rows, in a continuous stretch! We settled in our seats,wore the 3D glasses and prepared ourselves for the experience of our life time. The movie started, we kept waiting for the 3D effects, but none came.soon it became apparent to me that we were watching a 2D movie,not a 3D. Somebody confronted with the manager and he confessed that there was a technical difficulty with the 3D version and they are running the 2D version now.

But even that version ran into glitches, so they are cancelling the show.

Hold on for a moment and grasp this. He actually distributed 3D glasses to audience,ran a 2D movie and hoped that no one will notice the difference.I mean, I am a huge believer of "Wishing reaaallllly haard" concept, but frankly, this is taking the concept to ridiculous levels.

So we got the money back and came back to IMT, marveling at the peanut brain of manager of Big cinemas.

Yesterday:

The watch is displaying the time 13:10. I was rolling lazily in my blanket contemplating whether lunch is worthy of getting out of bed(yeah, thats how i roll). I got a call from a friend. They are planning a second attack on the movie. This time there was no question of which is a better choice. We were in the hall by 13:50.

Okay, Mr. cameron. Mesmerize me!

And he did. For 160 minutes. When i read RGV's praise about the movie, i was suspicious, but he nailed it when he said cameron's world is more beautiful than the God's. But its pretty much redundant to talk about the technical brilliance of the movie. Unless you are in the Big boss house, you must have heard about it. What appealed to me is the brilliance of the story.

We have seen countless movies in where little green aliens come to earth because their planet is over populated or they need earth's resources. We have seen how earthlings manage to beat them and rooted for earth. Cameron just reversed the situation and made US the aliens!

Thinking from another perspective, this story is not so much lifted from science fiction as from history books. One thought that lingered in mind through out the movie was: This must be what happened when the English set foot in U.S ,or India for that fact. They came, they promised development, they taught us English, they thought they are making us civilized people, but ultimately all they wanted was our resources. All cameron did was to Change the setting from country level to Planetary level!

You see,from both the perspectives,Avatar is a story of US. And thats where lies its brilliance. People who say that the emotional quotient is not so great as Titanic, i can't disagree more. It poses many questions and makes us think about our actions,albeit undercurrently.Behind all the motion capture techniques,big explosions,and the dazzlingly beautiful effects, this is a film with a heart!

Today:

Just booked a ticket for the 3D version of the movie. Enough pondering over the story. Time to drool over the effects!

P.S: When the characters talk about each tree in pandora linked to another and the implications of those connections, i couldn't help but wonder: this concept of collective consciousness is knocking on my door wherever i go,in books, in films, in news paper articles. And each time, its getting more convincing....

WORDS

The downside of being a management student is, even before you know it, it makes you a bumbling, jargon spewing management zombie.

In simpler times, when i see a funny advertisement, i used to laugh and forget about it. Now, i automatically think about the "Value proposition" of the product, the marketing strategy of the brand and all other marketing bullsh*t.

When i see a smokin' hot chick walking down the road, i say to myself,"If only our GDP figure is as good as hers, our economy would have been out of recession long ago!"

It gets worse....

Whenever i see characters in the, um...., Adult films talk about various positions they want to work with each other, i think of "Positioning".

KOTLER.... MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!!!!!!

On a related note, Did you notice that the more new words you coin, however stupid and meaningless they are, the "Cooler" you are?? So i've decided to coin lame words and spread them through my blog and general conversations with people(which are very few).

So,Let me introduce to you the word Mbie(pronounced as M-bee). The M is always a capital. Most of you must have guessed the etmology,but for the dolts and imbeciles reading this blog, its the oh-so-cool short form for management zombie.

I am sure you noticed the wordplay on the word "MBA" here. and I am sure that you are amazed and dazzled by my creativity and slapping youself real hard for being not me. People, please dont be so hard on your self. Slap urself gently...

Coming up soon in this space:

The language of the Mbies!

Winter season - a SWOT analysis

GAY MOON

One of my many weird hobbies is to search the net for pathetically dumb movies and read their reviews. Because, you know, few things give me more pleasure than watching other people going down. The very idea that hundreds of people worked for months to create that sh*t gives me a high. In my minds eye, while i read those reviews,I go all MUHAHAHAHA in the faces of the crew.

Yes, i am Evil.

So, I was very eagerly waiting for the movie which i was sure is gonna satiate my psychotic appetite:THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON.

And it didn't disappoint me. Reviews unanimously panned it."The best worst movie ever!" said one. "The most atrocious,awkward and embarrassing movie of the year!" proclaimed another "Today, I realised that our generation will be remembered as people who loved sparkly vampires.FML" is a recent FML at fmylife.com.(On a related note, you should check that website. It increases your will to live in this creepy world). But the best of them is this article i read in times of India. The success of this franchise is nothing short of global crisis.

BUT...how do i know this is gonna be a disaster??

I have a secret... * imagine akshay in Tasvir *

I've read twilight!

There... I've said it. My popularity index will be taking a nosedive.... from zero to negatives!

In my defense, i have been conned by a female friend of mine, who said it was irresistible, and she finished the whole book in one go,skipping lunch and dinner.

"Wow..." I thought! "Must be good...."

Let me put it this way. It is beyond my comprehension how anybody with a strand of Y chromosome or an ounce of testosterone in their body can remotely like this book(or movie)!

Full of Cheesy romance, Corny dialog and paper board characters, this movie is a classic gay index. I mean, "I love twilight" can be a clandestine code word for gays. It may probably work like this:

Gay guy: (walks up to another guy) I love Twilight!

Other guy:(Cringes on hearing the name) Duuuuuuuuuuuude! Wats wrong with you??

Gay guy: kbye!

OR

Gay guy: (Walks up to another guy) So i was watching Twilight the other day....

other guy: Ohmygod.... I ABSOLUTELY love it!

Gay guy: Score!

It can be used to lessen the impact when you are coming out of closet infront of your family.

Mom,dad! I need something to tell you. I am..... I am a Twilight fan!

Parents: *GAASP!* * horror!*

And, guys, you can thank me for giving this fantastic advice, You can use Twilight as the ultimate break up tool.

So....Sweetums! I have booked tickets for the new Twilight movie on first day,first show.Later we can rent "Mamma Mia" home and have a blast! *

You dont need to break up with her, SHE will break up with you, and you can act all used up and

deceived, tell this story (omitting the twilight part, ofcourse) to another chick, Score again!

* Again,based on a true FML

To conclude:

If you are a guy, There, I just saved two hours of your life. Go watch some buildings blow up and bad guys get their ass kicked by bruce willis instead!

If you are a girl, You might probably hate me for being such an gender stereoptypic person. But let us be honest here, The odds of you chiggy-wiggying with me are nanoscopical, So allow me to quote Rhett butler and say :

"Frankly, dear, I don't give a damn!"

The FUN gene

A few days back, I was at my friend's room on the night of his b'day. As the crazy tradition goes(which my simple brain can't understand, btw) people are tossing him in air and kicking him all over the body. People are laughing, joking around, pulling each other's leg; happiness is written all over their faces.

Where am I? I was standing in a corner,silently observing all this frenzy. One or two times,they urged me to join the crazy kicking spree, but i passed on that generous offer. And they gave up on me and continued with their bhasad. No wonder i don't get invited to a lot of parties!!

Somewhere amid those moments, i had a profound epiphany. I can't have FUN!

When i say FUN, i mean the things people usually associate with fun: Chatting with friends, goofing around,banter,beer,dancing. Nope. Not fun for me.

Whenever people around me are having fun, i suddenly become a creepy guy who stands in a corner with a undecipherable expression on his face.Just to be socially acceptable, Sometimes i try to fake it. Sometimes i am so good at faking that i even convince my self that i am having fun. But the truth is i can never have fun.

I wonder if i am born without a Fun gene. May be i am incapable of experiencing the emotion commonly referred to as "Fun". it makes sense. If i think about many moments from the past where i was supposed to have fun,surprisingly, in most of them, i experienced the same feeling of nothingness.

The side effect of this epiphany is: I found why i am being unhappy almost always. I have been associating "having fun" with "being happy". Thus trying to have fun and failing miserably! In my case they are mutually exclusive. I feel happy when i read a book,listen to some soothing music or solve a problem. Not when i make awkward attempts at socializing,dancing and drinking! I've been seeking happiness in all the wrong places!!

P.S: There is a high probability that this post doesn't make any sense to you. But thats how ramblings and rantings work!

DEMISE OF THE DEVIL

The inevitable has happened. A legendary icon and a maverick brand ambasidor was put to rest. The devil was Dead!

I still can't digest the fact that Onida has decided to drop their devil campaign. If there is anybody they owe for their current position and sales, it is him. In ninties, when Onida introduced him, it took the competitors and marketeers by surprise. Isn't it foolish to play with "envy"- a negative emotion??But the devil quickly proved himself. He appealed to the darker and sinister side in everybody. Whatever the leading brands are doing today like Britannia bourbon with their "indulge your dark side" campaign, Onida did years ago. "Neighbors envy, owner's pride" - For me it is the ultimate tagline!

Personally for me, The devil gave nightmares. Literally!I was 5 or 6 years old when i saw the "devil" campaign, and he quickly hijacked my imagination. He was a constant subject of my nightmares. Every night before i go to sleep, i used to pray that i wouldn't dream of him. Alas, in vain! Strangely, the dreams were not random. It was like a serial, he used to start where he left off in the previous dream. I used to jump behind my mother everytime the devil showed up on the TV. So, i could say that i have a special association with him in my mind.

But practically speaking, the reason given by Onida was fair enough. Tv was not a source of envy anymore. It has become a common household product. The emotion "envy" was not relevent in today's times. So i was ready to bid farewell to The devil, with a heavy heart.

But what bugs me is the replacement. "Tumko dekha to yeah design aayaa??" What the smuck does that mean?? Onida says that the tagline represents the intention of the company ( i am deliberately avoiding the standard marketing jargon like "Value proposition") - an innovation keeping in mind needs of the consumer. I may be too biased because of my emotional connect with the Devil, but i think that their new advertisement campaigning is pure bullshit!! I don't know who are their target market, but i am not impressed!!

But enough marketing gyaaan. In conclusion, Devil's workshop expresses its deepest sympathy to the Devil and affirms that he may be dead in the marketing campaign, but he will be very much present in the content of this blog and the intentions of its author!

Harry Potter and You-dont-know-who: Part 2

READ PART 1 HERE....

You-don't-know-who's story:

I studied in this very school, potter.... many years ago. I walked in those hall in which you walk daily, I dined in the great hall just like you, I sat in those class rooms..."

"And So did other thousands of students!" harry said impatiently.” With the batch strength of Hogwarts i would need a supercomputer to calculate the number. Will you tell the story or not??"

You-don't-know-who opened his mouth as if to say something, then changed his mind.

"Well, I was an average guy potter. Not handsome and not exceptionally ugly either. I was a bit shy type, but i wasn't an introvert. I kept to myself but i wasn't a loner. I was not a jock; i wasn't good at playing any sports. I was not particularly funny. My conversations were not full of impromptu witticism and funny observations..."

"Wow! You sound like a dozen guys i am not friends with" Harry couldn't help observing.

The boy's face hardened but he carried on.

" I was a simple boy, potter. I used to fell in love often. I loved many girls during the seven years of my stay: Juniors, seniors. classmates.. i never discriminated against anybody. But never was i able to speak to any of them or even approach them. Do you know why, potter??"

What harry wanted to say was," I don't know, may be you are a crazy nerd??"

But something told him that the boy may not take this answer in right spirit. So he just said,"Why?"

The boy came close to him, held harry's collar with his hands and dragged his face toward his and

shouted in rage " BECAUSE ALL OF THEM WERE BUSY SNOGGING LIFE-OF-THE-PARTY GUYS LIKE YOURSELF!!!"

Harry understood where this is going. But he decided to play along.

"Um, life-of-the-party-guys??" he inquired.

"You know... the macho dudes with impossible muscles, people who rocked the quidditch pitch, people who can turn any boring conversation into a flurry of jokes and anecdotes: I call them life-of-the-party-guys"

Harry nodded. The boy continued.

"Girls were all over them. Nobody cared about this meek boy who has no special talent, but could love them with all his heart!"

"May be they were repelled by your cheesy lines like this one" harry thought to himself. Then he said to you dont know who.

"Come on,man! There is more to life than girls!"

"Easy for you to say" the boy snapped " You schedule appointments and release waiting lists to them for your snogging sessions!"

"Fair enough" harry thought.

"Anyway, its not just about girls" The boy said,"Its about everybody. Do you know what my name is,Potter?"

"Hell, No!"

"Neither any of my teachers, Neither the girls i dreamed of, neither the cool guys i aspired to be friends with. I roamed around like a ghost in these hogwarts corridors for seven long years,potter, and nobody even knew my name. Nobody had my phone number, Nobody knew where my room was,nobody knew any details of me, nobody cared.... Its... Its as if i didnt exist"

There was an uncomfortable silence for a minute. Then the boy continued.

"It hurts,Potter! If anybody needed to refer to me, they would say,"oh, that guy we don't know!" . One day somebody thought it would be cool to call me "You-dont-know-who" and it stuck. For some it became "He-who-can't-be-named"

"The ugly truth is,potter, people used to shun me. I wasn't cool enough to be their friend. I yearned for popularity, I yearned for the "cool dude" tag. But at the end of seven years, i was just as invisible as i was in my first year. Even dumbledore, the wise old man who knew everything and every one, when i greeted him hello one day, greeted me back with "Hi...um, there!"

At this point, harry couldn't help pitying this hopeless boy.

"That was when a small part of my soul split from my body. The part which yearned for popularity and fame. The part which wanted to be recognized and to be popular. It got buried in the class yearbook of hogwarts.

Ginny weasley found that book in a old bookstore and nicked it. She brought me back to hogwarts. The place has awaken me from centuries of sleep. I sensed the presence of life-of-the-party guys all around me. I saw little you dont know whos in the making. I craved for revenge.Thats when i started taking people down"

"Yeah, about that" harry interrupted. "how did you do that?? we thought it was the basilisk!!"

"It was nothing" The boy waved his hand dismissively. "I sneak up on them and recite and utterly boring and entirely useless, complex scientific fact or trivia, and their brains blow up sending them into coma-like state!"

"How cruel!" harry gasped.

But my ultimate target was you,potter" The boy snickered."The boy who lived. The epitome of life-of-the-party-guy"

Suddenly harry started sweating.

"What are you talking about?? I am no life of the party guy. I am not handsome, i am not macho,See, i even have an ugly scar on my forehead!!"

"Do you really want to bring the topic of your scar,potter??" The boy hissed and slowly moved towards him. He pushed harry's hair backward and touched his scar.

"This,potter is a chick magnet. I think both of us know that. You just show up with that stupid thing and chicks drool all over you"

Harry couldn't argue with that. He always knew that his scar WAS a chick magnet. Especially when he pretended like it was hurting and cooked up stories about visions of Voldemort!

The boy spoke on,"I took away ginny to lure you into chamber of secrets, so that we can have this talk. You are going down,potter. I reserved my best,or should i say worst, obscure,complex stupid,useless scientific fact just for you, It will be painful than cruciatus curse,potter!" There was a wicked smile on his face!

"No.." Harry thought. "I gotta stop this!" He dived and reached for the ancient yearbook lying on the floor. He frantically flipped the pages till he found the page with the boy's photo on it.

Thanks to the B-grade horror flicks he has seen as a muggle, he knew what to do!

As the comprehension dawned on you-dont-know's face, he tore up the page from the book and kept tearing up the page into smaller pieces.

A painful shriek echoed in the great chamber of secrets. The body of the boy burst into flames lighting up the whole room.

4

Harry sighed with relief. Yet strangely, he felt a bit of guilt when he thought about you-dont-know-who's pathetic story. May be he will bring into light this poor boy's story. He certainly remembered his details from the yearbook before tearing it up! Yes. He will tell the world about the boy and make his soul happy. He will...

"Harry!" Ginny woke up with a start.

"Oh, harry!" she ran to him," You came to rescue me, how sweet! Have you killed the deadly monster?? I am sure you slayed it, you are so brave, oh harry!!" She was jumping up and down like a puppy.

"Hmmmm" harry thought. "Screw the nerd! There are countless snogging sessions and endless fame waiting for me!!"

He held Ginny's hand,looked into her eyes and spoke in his best husky voice,"Fear not, Ginny! I slayed the dangerous monster! Hogwarts is safe now. OO, i also encounter the soul of Lord voldemort,but dont worry. I took care of that too!"

"WoooooW" Ginny moaned, in a way only a girl could.

Harry exactly knew how to play from that moment.

" I am tired of all these battles Ginny, My life was one big war ever since i was born. All i want now is to be held in somebody's arms ....."

SADLY, THE END!

WITH APOLOGIES TO J.K.ROWLING

IN FOND MEMORY OF MY LEGAL ASPECTS OF BUSINESS EXAM, DURING WHICH I CONCEIVED THIS STORY!

DEDICATED TO ALL THE YOU-DONT-KNOW-WHOS OUT THERE WHO LIVE AN INVISIBLE LIFE UNDER THE SHADOWS OF HARRY POTTERS .

Harry Potter and You-dont-know-who : An untold Story!

Harry Potter felt a rush of adrenaline as he entered the legendary chamber of secrets.

" I am a hero!" he thought. "I solved another mystery!"

As always, our boy who lived conveniently deluded himself that his impossibly intelligent and irritating friend Hermoinne and generally useless and dumb tag-along Ron had nothing to do with this adventure.

It all started few months ago. Their caretaker's fricking cat was frozen by some weird spell and a writing on the wall announced that the chamber of secrets has been opened. It warned them of a monster being unleashed and predicted punishments for the "Wrong people". People thought it was a sick joke till people started dropping dead all over the corridors of Hogwarts. They are not dead, technically atleast. They are frozen and became unconscious, just like the cat, and panic spread quickly among the staff and students.

Now, Potter couldn't care less what is happening to his "friends", but what pissed him off is that this mayhem thwarted his clandestine snogging sessions with hotties of hogwarts. The teachers continuously patrolled the corridors day and night and he is sick and tired of doing it inside the invisibility cloak. Moreover, those chicks are too scared of the monster that is attacking the students to come out of the dormitories.

"I gotta slay this monster thing" he thought with his congenital arrogance.

But he couldn't solve the mystery for many days, for we know that he is not special or gifted in anyway, if you ignore that freaky scar on his forehead. All his victories are a combination of sheer luck, coincidences and lot of unacknowledged help from his friends.

Then one day, hermoinne solved the mystery and furnished harry with all the answers. Harry immediately went into delusion mode, and convinced himself that he is the one who solved the mystery. Clearly, he is a born manager!

Now,as he is walking through the ruins of the ancient chamber, he thought" Cool! Now all i have to do is to find and kill the monster! how hard will it be for an unarmed 12 year old child to kill a 30 foot snake which can kill just by its stare??"

As he walked deep into the chamber, he saw Ginny Weasly lying unconscious on the floor. Lying beside her was what appeared to be an old hogwarts yearbook. As he approached to reach the book, it opened by itself. The pages started fluttering and a magnificent light rose from the book. To harry's amazement, the light formed into the shape of a young boy, of 17-18 years old. He was dressed in hogwart's robes.

It suddenly hit him. He knew who this boy was!! He SIMPLY knew!!

"Merlin's beard!" he exclaimed.” You are... You are... "You know who"!!!", You are "He-who-must-not-be-named!!"

The boy looked hurt.

"No", he said." I am "You-don't-know-who" a.k.a "He-who-can't-be-named"!!"

2

Harry is confused. The thought of You know who made him wet his pants, but if this is not him, there is no reason to be afraid.

"Who the hell is you-don't-know-who??" he raised his voice. "never heard of him!!"

The boy coldly stared at him. and uttered his next words with contempt ” That is precisely why, Potter, is i am you-don't-know-who!!"

"ok,buddy" harry said," Nice to meet you and all but if u excuse me, i've a monster to slay"

The boy rolled his eyes. "You dumb fcuk! Don't u get it?? There is no monster. It is ME who is causing all the havoc in hogwarts!"

"Oh,my god!" harry whispered,"But why?"

"I will tell u harry. You have right to know. you and people like you are the reason why i am standing here like a ghost."

Then the you-don't-know-who started his story.

Part 2

Separation

My heart skipped a beat when i saw her.

I thought i was dreaming.

And yet there she was, before my eyes!

A rush of emotion swept me away as i approached her.It was more than two weeks since i last saw her.

The separation has been terrible.

I gently touched her,as if to confirm that she is real,that she is not some dream i am having....

She is real!

"Its been a long time!", i thought.

I knew her from 3 years. She used to be with my brother. when he introduced me to her, it was love at first sight for me!

I can see you gasping in horror and muttering,"You pervert!"

All i can say is,"All is fair in love!". I couldn't help it!!

I used to see her occasionally, and my heart used to yearn for her. Whenever i used to see them together, i used to burn with envy and jealousy!

As if by divine intervention, one day my brother declared that things weren't working out between them.More over, he found someone else. Someone more sophisticated,someone better!

I repressed my urge to jump with joy! Now is the opportunity to win her over!!!

And i DID win her,and she had been my companion for over 18 months now.

I ran my hands through her body.I know how to turn her on!

Her face started glowing radiantly.

I missed you!

She is not perfect. She had many faults.She used to irritate me to no end sometimes, but still i can't live without her.

I am addicted to her!

I thought of all the times i spent with her,hours and hours into night, sometimes even till the crack of the dawn!

What would if do without you?

I carefully took her into my lap.

I thought i would never see you again!

Two weeks ago, she suffered an accident due to my negligence,I was told that there was a chance that she might not survive.

I was devastated. I spent many sleepless nights silently crying my heart out. Can i ever forgive my self if anything happened to her??

Friends tried to assuage me. They adviced me to not to worry much.

"Nothing can be done by brooding over what happened". they said,"If even she is gone, you will eventually get another one"

But it will not be the same!

Thankfully, Universe decided to smile upon me. Now,there she was, sitting in my lap,beaming at me as if nothing happened!She was not stunning as she was once. One can see the signs of aging. But that didn't matter to me. All i care for is her safety.

I will never let anything happen to you again!

With my heart thumping, with my finger trembling, i slowly reached for her and...........

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clicked on the internet explorer icon.

My LAPTOP IS BACK!!

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In celebration of getting my laptop back after a repair ;)

RoFlMaOlOl:):P:D;):O

Everybody knows that i am a SCP. and needless to say, i am not exactly a chatty person. I don't know what to say after "How are you?". I never used the Gtalk or messenger much. So I was in for a rude shock when i started chatting with a friend the other day.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: Blah,blah,blah,blah

FRD: brb

Me: ?????????????

FRD: You don't know what brb is? lol!!!

Me: lol??

FRD: lol?? ROFL!!!!!

Me: um.....

FRD: ROFLOL!!!!!

Me: um, Are we still talking in English??

FRD: ROFLMAO!!!!

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See? While i was spending my time watching b-grade bollywood movies, a whole new language evolved around me. Suddenly, i feel like a monkey lost in manhattan!

May be its me, but this acronyms get on my nerves sometimes. I mean, i agree that they are useful in conveying our emotions and all that stuff, but i am afraid that we are overusing them. There are people who end their every sentence with a customory LOL! Seriously guyz, when was the last time you ACTUALLY Rolled on the floor laughing out loud?? ( Yes, i've done my research and now i am no more a monkey!). And don't get me started about the stupid expression,"Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off!"!!!

This is not limited to words.I know a certain person who liberally sprinkles his message with question marks and exclamations and ofcourse, stupid smiley symbols. A typical message from him looks like this:

HI!!!!!!!!!!!!! How are you??????????????? busy these days??????????

Got any girlfriends!!! :P :P :P

Now,this message is only two lines. Imagine a message of ten or twelve lines and you get the drift!

Yaar, if you are reading this, be a little frugal with ?s and !s, for the sake of others' eyes....

To all the other chat-savvy people, the next time before you type a lol, please ask yourself, "Am i reaaaalllly laughing out loud? or do i use it just because i think this a "kewl" thing to say??"

PHILOSOPHY

Found in a comic strip:

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take wrong turns

talk to strangers

open unmarked doors

when u see a group of people working in a field, go find out what they are doing

do things without always knowing how they will turnout

you miss so many adventures because you keep thinking of a plan!

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Another testimonial to my theory that cartoonists are best philosophers in the world!!

Of Nicholas Cage,Dan Brown and Scott Adams

One dependable way i use to determine how much i enjoyed a book/movie is to observe the amount of time i spent contemplating about the same after reading/watching it. In that way, i had a double bonanza yester day. I saw Nicolas Cage's latest - KNOWING and Dan brown's much anticipated thriller - THE LOST SYMBOL.

Both of them surprised me because they dealt with the themes i am already familar with, thanks to this impossibly witty and visionary cartoonist: Scott Adams.

The movie started off interestingly. It had a spooky feel to it. But after the first 70 minutes or so, it lost me. It became just another dooms day story. "What a waste!" I thought until i saw the last shot of the movie. While the earth is destroyed by a catastrophe, few children are rescued from all over the world by some mysterious people; call them aliens or angels. And in the last shot, we see two of the kids being dropped off on a distant planet and them running towards a huge lonely tree: unmistakabley refering to the tree of knowledge from the Genesis.

Now, Scott adams already discussed this idea in many of his blogposts. What if this apocalypse already happened? What if Adam and Eve or people from just another earth like planet who seek refuge on ours? What if the so-called Gods are just a highly advanced alien race?? The possiblities are endless!

Coming to the book, i must say i am a fan of Dan Brown. I can't argue with the critics when they dismiss his work as "Popular and pulp fiction". But his books are infinitely better than other writers of pulp genre- Sheldon,Hailey,Grishm and likes. What i find appealing about his books is his meticulous research into the subject he had chosen and the questions the books pose to us and allows us to contemplate. From that perspective, Lost symbol Scores high. But It is not as gripping as Angels and Demons or not as controversial as Davinci Code. No where near!What i liked most in the book are the last fifteen odd pages after the whole mystery is solved; where the lead characters discuss god,faith,religion and science.

And surprisingly, scott striked me again while reading the book.One of the main themes of the book "Collective conciousness" is already dealt by him few years ago. Actually a paragraph in the book which tells us that " in the age of twitter,facebook and essentially internet, which gives all the people over the internet the opportunity to seamlessly connect with eachother, the one-ness that forms out of the individuals can be treated as GOD " is just a paraphrase of one of his blog posts. Another thing the book discusses is the field of Neotic science: The science that studies the power of human thought. The idea is that if enough people believes in something with enough conviction , it WILL happen. And when scott adams talked about affirmations, i thought he was nuts!

Anyway, The book and the movie made me think a lot of about god and spirituality yesterday. I did something i never thought i would do in my life. I visited the spiritual section of our IMT library!

That thing you Do!

"Look there she is..." my heart lept as i saw her in second row in the auditorium. Why i do keep running into her?

There is a vacant seat beside her! Hell!! Since when boys are leaving seats beside pretty girls vacant?

"Okay, i am going to go and sit there" I told my friend, shaking him off. He silently nodded and found another seat. Thats the best thing with we boys, it doesn't matter how much best buddies you guys are, when it comes to girls, they don't mind leaving you alone.

My heart raced as i sat beside her. Heck, i am within two inches distance to her! Can't believe it!!
I can actually hear her breath. I surreptitiously glanced at her. God, i wish i can describe how beautiful she was!! I really do!!

"This is your chance,kid" i told to myself. "Talk to her. Say something funny.Make her laugh"

I raked my brains for about 10 minutes but all the stories i've read, all the jokes i've heard, they betrayed me. I sat there beside her, sweating like a pig!

Damn! she looks so pretty in formals!

Soon i was in damage control mode. May be not necessarily witty or funny, atleast say something! Say HI!

Ask her what her name is!

Ask her what time is it!

Ask her for a pen!

Damn it! say something for heaven's sake!!!!

In my mind, i am vigorously kicking myself and pulling my hair out!

Here i am, sitting beside the girl who keeps me awake in nights ( actually it may be the heat and mosquitioes of ghaziabad,but its more romantic to think this way!) and i can't even say Hi!

Suddenly, i felt a surge of inspiration. I am going to do it!
I turned towards her and opened my mouth. But before any words escaped my mouth, a huge macho guy came and said "Hey S. Lets go to Nescafe and have some coffee!"

"Sure" she said and left the hall. And left me.

I sat there in silence for some time. Then i opened my notebook and started working on the story i am writing.


I hate being a Nerd!

28

I hate to sound like a octogenarian by talking about good ol' days but i couldn't resist! I am deeply disappointed by the way things are going on here in MBA!

Currently, End term exams are going on,But the only clue you would get about that is on the obscure corner of the notice board.Nothing has changed here.

Things were different back in the good ol' engineering days (Here i go!). Exam is a "EVENT" you experience with your friends. We gather around in the name of group studies and well, it doesn't matter who starts the discussion about the specific body measures of the tamil hottie, what matters is that we have a fruitful discussion at the end of which everybody will be exhausted and we start our long march to the Tea stall.

Every college will have a Tea stall or restaurant nearby which serves as the unofficial meeting point for the students. It will be the busiest point in the city on those exam nights! People greet each other with the question,"Started studying?" for which usual reply woud be"Nay! about to".Its completely different matter that this "About to start" guy will end up scoring frigging 93% in the exam!

When the nights belonged to the Tea shop, the evenings belonged to the Xerox shop nearby. Xeroxes of text books, Xeroxes of notes, Mini xerox,Micro xerox..... The guy taking the xeroxes would dictate the passing and failure of atleast 60% of the student janta!

Barring a few "Freakish" people who get medals and stuff, the one thing that occupied the minds of all the students was the number 28.

28 is the magic figure which divides the pass and fail.

28 is the number Which represents the culmination of your efforts during the previous nite.

28 is the ferry which transported you from Supplementaryville to the Wonderland.

28 is the Holy grail every engineering student seek.

The whole strategy of the students revolve around 28. Which chapters to study, which questions to attempt, how many pages to write..whatever may be the dilemma, its all for the 28.

1.618 may be the divine ratio, but for us 28 is the divine number!

Gone are those golden days in this MBA. Everyday here consists an exam,quiz,assignment or some deadline so there is no Sacro sanctness attached to the end terms anymore! Every night stretches into 3 or 4' 0 clock so there is no fun in doing a night out anymore! Everything needed is supplied by the college and there is no need for xerox anymore! And thanks to the open book system and case based questions, there is no need to mug up the text book anymore! Thanks to the CGPA and relative grading, There is no significance for 28 anymore!

Everything that was occasional and special during my engineering days became mundane and regular in my MBA life...

I miss those panic sticken conversations post midnight at tea stall.

I miss waiting in line to take the micro xerox of classmate's notes.

I miss the anxiety that grips the soul before looking at the question paper.

And more than anything, I miss aiming for 28!!

EMPATHY

This comic makes me sad..... and i don't know why!

May be because i see a bit of my self(honestly, a lot of myself!) in it!!

RANDOM RANTINGS OF A TIRED SOUL

Ok. One of the downsides of being a student again.... Exams! i feel like shouting "&^%&*((&#%" !!!

So many things to take care of, so little time. Being me, odds are i end up screwing up everything!!

How the hell did students survived before maggi came along??

Financial accounting for managers - Is it universe's way of punishing me for my sins?

The most overused word in a MBA's life - Strategy.

Garma garam aloo pyaaz parantha at 3'0 clock in the night, yummmmmmmmmmmm!

Assignments, project submissions,Summers,End terms,B school fests, and still how do i always manage to play Cricket 2007 on my lappy??

Yaaaawn!

Hot chocolate at Nescafe stall at 4'0 clock, a life saver!

Babes in B-school: they are like the objects in your bike's rear view mirror. They look very near and reachable But in reality they are far away.Its as if you are in two different multiverses intertwoven into each other!


Marks are a mirage. Long live mediocrity!!!!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn!

The ZooZoos of Virgin

Its ironic how the punchline of an ad can be a direct negation of what the ad is doing. That is Virgin mobile for you. With the tagline saying "Think Hatke" (Think differently),It made a series of ads which are uncannily similar to the Vodafone's famous ZooZoo campaign.

You might have seen some of these in Television.

Both may look alike, but they are poles apart in terms of quality and content.

The ZooZoos are cute and the ambience is easy on the eye. Here the characters are irritating and ugly! I hate them...

The Jokes are so stale, you will wonder what the hell were the creators smoking when they made these...

The ZooZoo ads promote the Value Added Services of Vodafone, and they do it in a subtle way. Each ad represents a different feature of Vodafone. It is more challenging.

Virigin mobile has only one feature to advertise: Free local calls. And yet they have managed to bungle up the campaign!

Finally all i am gonna say is - Mr. Bronson! Stop crusing in your obscenely rich yacht and take care of your company in India! And yes, please live upto your tagline!!

ROAD TRIP

They say life should be organized.I disagree.It shouldn't be. Atleast,not always!There is fun in randomness;There is thrill in uncertainness; But Only if you are game for it! More over, at 23, you can get away with doing wildest and craziest of the things.Things,forget about others, even you yourself can't imagine doing when you are over thirty. So when my friends proposed a road trip with a random destinatWion with zero planning, I said,"Let's do it!"

It all started when we planned for a weekend trip to Mussorie.Our plan was to catch a overnight bus by 11'o clock and spend the next two days in the

hill station. After all the usual hiccups like getting late, missing bus, forgetting things, we reached the Kashmiri Gate ISBT by eleven.That was when we

realised that we all sucked at planning.People are fighting for each other to get into buses.conductors are selling tickets in black(Yeah dilli hai mere yaar!).

After waiting for 3 hours and deciding that reaching mussorie was impossible, the big question arised,"What now?"

After some deliberation, we came to the consensus that there was no way that we were going to set foot in the college before monday. So all we have

to do is to go somewhere.

Somebody's eyes fell on a empty bus due to leave for Chandigarh.

Chale...??

Y not???

Whats there in Chandigarh?? don't know!

Where to stay in Chandigarh?? don't know!

What to do in Chandigarh?? don't know!

Where to go from chandigarh?? don't know!

All we know is that no one of us had seen Chandigarh before and we were going to do it now!

Thus started our Road trip.

We reached Chandigarh by the next morning.The land of Lassi and Dhabas.After spending a good half hour in the bus stand lazily sipping chais, we

came out,found a hotel nearby and got ready for our exploration.

The whole city looked like a big park.Clean roads,Peaceful ambience,Lot of greenery and not to mention,Hot panjabi chicks! We patted our backs

for our decision.Our first destination: Rock garden.

It is a great marketing lesson. It proves that any bloody thing can be marketing if positioned and promoted properly.Else, why would we spend one whole

day looking at broken electric plug points,toilet apparels,bangles and other stuff??

As the evening approached and our city tour came to an end, the question rised again? What now??

Amritsar?

Dehradun?

Then somebody said the word "Shimlaa??"

What?To a city boasting temparatures of 5 degrees when 3 out of 6 doesn't have even a Jacket?? Sure!!! Sounds like fun!!

Thus started our shimla journey....

"Manjil se behter lagne lage hai, Yeah raastein..." The song of Jab we Met kept ringing in my ears, as the bus travelled throught the ghat roads.

Yes.sometimes, the journey is even better than the destination!

And it got better and better with time, as i was literally above clouds!

We landed in Shimla by night and then the real fun started.Shivering with cold,we started seaching for rooms. Surprise! Apparantly, the whole india decided to

spend their weekend in shimla,leaving us out in the cold with hungry stomaches and numb bodies.

So the first time in my life, I spent a night sleeping in a Bus stand, that too in friggin' cold!

Early in the morning,we caught a bus back to Delhi, and by the time we reached our hostel, every muscle in the body is aching with pain. We spent 30 of

the last 42 hours travelling! The bed never looked so inviting!

To conclude in barney style, The trip was Legendary!

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

You know what? Expectations hurt!

When i say I am Doing MBA in Delhi, My friends think i am a 'Kewl' guy. They greet me with the question " How many girl friends till now??" everytime i talk to them. They seem to have this impression that girls in B-school are waiting in queues to become GFs of nerdy boys!If you are one of them, I've news for you,fella!

Girls.... Not easy!!!

But Surely i can't tell them the answer that i am a dork and never talked to a single girl (or a single girl never talked to me) in the college. So i am planning to play along by fabricating stories of Wild romances and one night stands. I am pretty creative in that aspect. I will store random numbers in my phone and swell up my contact list.

But as the cliche goes, Hope springs eternal. When i heard about the freshers' party that was going to be held,I spent one whole evening fantasizing about coochi - cooying with hot babes of the college(I guess that explains my Midterm marks!). I am tired of my nerdiness and decided to hit on every girl in the college in freshers' party. I know its pathetic, but I will borrow chandler bing's line from one episode of f.r.i.e.d.s and say "I am needy and awkward and desperate for love!". And desperate guys call for desperate measures!

So i spent many days strategizing my advances. I carefully picked up one liners from the vast ocean of internet, I made up some amazing anecdotes that never happened in my life. And in case any other despo tried to steal my girl, i am ready with some witty retarts which will make him look like a freaking retard! I am ready to arrive on the scene, baby!

The D-day has come. With a million hopes and thousand fantasies playing in my mind, i entered the venue and kind of crushed to the core looking at the arrangements. It invoked the worst fears hidden in me, but i controlled myself and approached one of the organizers.

"Umm.... What's happening here?"

He stared at me like i was an idiot and replied,"Party"

"Yeah. I know that. I mean,whats with the DJ and all the swingling lights.Its not like we are going to dance or anything!" i spoke the last phrase slowly,"Are we??"

"Of course! We are... Thats the whole party of having a party. We dance until our legs ache and our heads spin!"

There you go!

But my legs are spinning and my head is aching now!

This can't be happening. No, the universe can't hate me this much. Party means food and talk. Not dancing! Atleast, not in my graduation days!

And so the "Party" started. I dejectedly went to a corner and sat like a rock for hours. In front of my eyes, life-of-the-party guys are having the time of their lives, demonstrating their skills and wooing girls. Everybody is in a world of their own. I wondered if anybody will notice if i died there and composted into a fossil.

After gulping down a few drinks, I felt a sudden surge of confidence that has nothing to do with my drinking ( how could it be? I drank orange juice!). If it takes dancing to woo a girl, i am gonna dance! the fact that the last time i danced was a disaster of cosmic scale didn't deter me.

I unleashed the animal inside me and let those instincts guide me. My strategy is to sneak up upon an unsuspecting (dancing) prey and become her partner,before she knew what was happening. So i picked up my target and applied my strategy. Sadly, the prey didn't find it amusing. She used a different choice of words, but she advised me to Go and gratify myself sexually.

Well,to be perfectly honest, more than one girl might have said that. But i am not sure about the figure. So i changed the strategy. I picked up a group of girls and guys dancing together and approached them surreptiously. Using my pathetic dancing skills, I managed to trip all the guys within the five metre radius. In management jargon, I leveraged my weakness and turned into my strength. Stephen covey would have felt proud of me.

Disgusted by my "dancing", one by one started slipping out of the group to join a new one.

My plan is working perfectly,but here i lost my direction. Believe it or not, I started enjoying my little tryst with dancing. Don't get me wrong, I still sucked big time. But it didn't matter anymore. Its as if i am the only person in the world!

Soon, i stopped caring about babes and was dancing by myself. People stopped, gaped, laughed, stared, pointed fingers, whatever! I didn't care. And i Danced until my feet was huring and head was spinning.

After the night, lying in my bed and exhausted i thought that the mission was not accomplished but something good and memorable came out of it!

SEVERUS JUDAS??

Do you know who Judas is?? If you don't, read here...

In case you are a lazy idiot like me, Here is th gist:

Judas was one of the 12 apostles of Jesus Christ. He is famously known for his betrayal of Jesus into the hands of Roman authorities.

Gospel of Mark says that the authorities were looking for a sly way to capture Jesus.And Judas agreed to help them for 30 pieces of silver( A man of small pleasures, i must say!). He identified Jesus in the prescence of the roman soldiers by kissing him on the neck. And "The kiss of Judas" became an idiom in english which symbolizes betrayal.

But a recently found gospel, called as gospel of Judas has something different to say. It claims that whatever happened on that fateful night is a planned arrangement between Jesus and Judas. It says that Jesus decided that it was time for him to go, and asked Judas for help. And Judas agreed to it unwillingly.

According to gospel of Mark, Jesus on seeing Judas approaching with roman soldiers, responded by saying, "Friend, Do what you have to do..."



In case, you are feeling vaguely familiar with above scene and wondering why, Don't worry. I will say one word and see if you can put the pieces together : "SEVERUS SNAPE"




All the Harry Potter Fans, Doesn't the character of Severus Snape seem to be modelled after Judas?? Just look at the similarities. Put Dumbledore in the place of Jesus, and snape in the place of Judas, and you have the climax of half blood prince! And compare the lines Jesus had spoken with Dumbledore's last words... (Severus.... Please....).

I wonder if JK Rowling lifted this particular part from the
Judas-Jesus saga...

P.S: In case you are a unsuspecting harry potter fan who stumbled upon this blog before reading the final book, all i can say to you is.......

BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

By the way, Did i mention that i am Evil..???

IMT DIARY

Its been exactly one month since i entered this college. Can't believe how fast life goes here...You grumpily wake up on monday morning wishing it was sunday... and viola! Its saturday nite!! So many things happening at the same time, U wish u have more than two hands or more than one brain or more than 24 hours or all of them. Here are some snippets from my IMT diary..

Orientation:

The sole pupose of first week of orientation is to torture the juniors and scare the S**t out of them. The day starts at 5'0 clock in the morning and ends at,um... 5'0 clock in the morning. Believe it or not, Juniors are not allowed to sleep for the first week. If we managed to get a nap for 2 hours, we used to consider ourselves lucky!! Add to this sleep deprivedness, ragging sessions from midnight to 5'o clock. Yes. Like organized crime, we have organized ragging here. At a particular time, at a particular place. A strict instructions of what to do and what not to do!!

Cultural nite:

A celebration of ending of orientation week. This is usually where the life-of-the-party guys exhibit their talents while pathetic dorks stand in an obscure corner and silently watch. Of course, some of those pathetic dorks blog about the event one month later.... That's a different issue.

Classes,clubs and commitees:

After orientation week, the class schedule feels like a holiday. What only 6 hours of academic sessions... cool.

But interviews for various clubs and commitees will wear one out. One will get used to the idea of waking in nights and sleeping in classes.

Before you know, its quiz time. People start studyin like crazy. The library is full of people at 1'o clock on a sunday nite. I wanted to shout,"Its saturday night for christ's sake! Get a life!!"

Library:

A bit about library here. This is the place where i feel home. Being the dork i am, I spend most of my time here, usually taking a book with me and sinking into one of those comfortable sofas.

Goonda Nite:

The screening of mithun charkaborty starrer "Goonda". Without doubt, my best nite in IMT.

To state that Goonda is a milestone in history of Indian cinema is an understatement.I have wasted 10 years of my life by not watching it. ( it got released in 1998). With dialogues being sheer poety, not to mention the award winning action by the people who delivered them, Its an life time experience. When was the last time some one died on the screen and you were rolling down with laughter?? Sample this dialogue...

"Behnaa!! Tu margayi?? Lambu ne tujhe lamba kardiyaaa???"

And i can't resist adding some more gems of dialogues from the film...

"Mera naam hai Bulla! Hamesha rakhtaa hoon khullaa!!"

"Maa meri chudail ki beti. Baap mera shaitan ka chela. Khaayegaa kelaa??"

To Sum up, If you know hindi and didn't watch this movie, You will rot in hell!!!

Salsa Class:

We have to come up with a venture as part of a cometition and we arranged a salsa class for the college. (Got the irony of it??).Yester day was heavy work for me, running around the campus all day...By the end of the prograam, every muscle in my body was aching.

So, Thats the story of one month. Still 20 odd to go. For now, i am very tired. Yesterday's hang over! So allow me to shut my lappy down to catch some sleep. Nite nite!!

P.S:

One of my class mates asked me, "hey! Why were you not dancing??"

My first instinct was to tell her the truth. That no female species in the college agreed to stand anywhere nearer than 3 feet to me. But i wisely decided that it won't be good PR for me. So i put up my best -frustrated face and said that since i am organizing the whole event, i was not allowed to participate. I gave the impression that i would have burnt the dance floor given a chance. I don't know if she actually bought it or not. i just hope she didn't saw my adventure with paper dance....

FUNERAL BLUES

I am not a big fan of poetry. I am a simple man with a vanilla mind. The complex thoughts and eeriely constructed stanzas of the poems blow the fuses of my brain and make me dizzy. So i generally stay away from them.

But there is one poem i absolutely love. I stumbled upon it by sheer luck. It was recited in a scene of huge grant's classic romcom "Four Weddings and A Funeral" ( This film is a must watch by the way. Download it illegally as soon as possible!!) . The Poem is "Funeral Blues" written by W.H. Auden.

I don't know why this poem struck chord with me. When i heard it, i lost track of the movie for some time and kept thinking about it.

Here is how it goes.....

Stop all the clocks, Cut off the Telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,

Silence the pions and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let airoplanes cirlce moaning overhead,

scribbling on the sky the message he is dead.

Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,

Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my north, my south, my east and my West,

My working Day and my Sunday rest.

My noon, my midnight, my talk,my song;

I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; Put out every one,

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.

Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;

For nothing now can ever come to any good.

My Revolutionary Business Idea

Check out this story in TOI..... Men prefer videogames to sex!!

I always thought that videogames are a strong contender,if nothing less. But apparantly, men all over the world (atleast one third of them) thought, "to hell with the women. Its not worth it!!". What pushed them over the edge?

Who cares? Did you think of the implications of all this? One third of Mankind out of race... it increases my odds of having sex by 33%! theoratically,anyway!!

(for practical purposes, the odds are one in a gazillion, as you can guess!)

But the MBA in me is excited for a different reason. This research is a perfect opportunity for video game makers. Video games and sex, The close contenders for the attention of male species. Now all they have to do is to make a video game about having sex! Bang!!!! It will be a phenomena...

The details of the game i leave to your wicked imagination. But i have already planned a marketing strategy. This game will be sold with other bloody-crazy-mass killing-macho videogames as a combo. So after a heavy blood thirsty session of Counter strike, you can have a refreshing wham-bam session with video game version of a celebrity and resume your killing spree. I haven't zeroed in on the celebrity figure yet, but i have a lot of options in that area...

Needless to say the game will be released in both straight version and gay version.

Depending upon the popularity this game gains, (and it will gain popularity) we can enter into joint venture with this macho action games and integrate both concepts. The means, stage one, you kill 200 bad men, and in stage two, you get to seduce their leader's girlfriend.....

Now, I will get busy preparing a business case of this idea and start looking for venture capitalists. But not before i give you a glimpse of my future enterprise's vision statement!

"My company's vision is to make this bedroom conversation a common affair:

"Darling, We are getting late for the movie!!"

" two minutes honey! right now i am busy shagging Megon fox...!!" "

Today i reached new heights of pervertedness, didn't i???

Calvin said it...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Calvin: You can't turn on creativity like a faucet!! You have to feel a specific emotion to start working..

Hobbes: What emotion exactly are we talking about??

Calvin: Last minute panic!!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Less than 12 hours left to submit a 5000 word assignment ( which is no less than a thesis,btw) and Here i am, blissfully passing my time blogging about it! a living proof of the above statement.

If you ask me, cartoonists are the best philosophers in the world!!!

HONKY PONKY PONKS!

The other day, I was watching Maniratnam's 'Dil se' when i came across this interesting piece of conversation between Preity and Sharukh.

Preity: So, Are you a virgin??
Sharukh: (chokes on the burger he was eating) um...
Preity: You needn't tell me. I just wanted to see the expression on your face.
Sharukh: What will you say if i ask you the same question ?
Preity: YOu know, 80% of the girls,before marriage, honky ponky ponks! You understand,right?
Sharukh: (thoughtful) So, you are not among them??

Here is when the scene gets interesting!

Preity: (making a guilty face) haa! What do i do?? I didn't have courage to... honky ponky ponks!
Sharukh: (laughing) So, no honky ponky ponks!!

I liked this scene for many reasons.The refreshing way an arranged marriage is portrayed,The way they openly discuss pre marital sex(though they use stupid euphemism!), and the balance Maniratnam achieved!

Now,Many of the audience wouldn't digest the fact that herione wasn't a virgin.It's outrageous!!By making her confess she was infact a virgin, Maniratnam actually satisfies the ego of conservative section of audiences.

But observe the expression of preity when she was saying she was a virgin. She was almost apolegetic about it. And she clearly states that it was lack of courage (the implied message being that moral bullshit has nothing to do with it). Thus, he appeals to the liberal section of the audience at the same time!

Everybody sees what they want to see. Everybody is happy! A master stroke,indeed!

I WANNA BE A CYBORG

Thats what i am thinking now a days. Because i've a terrible disability. I can't..... remember faces!

There is something wrong with my short term memory.It erases the data about the faces of people i recently met! It will take atleast five to six interactions for me to recognise some one! Until now this was not a issue because i was in chennai where i more or less know everybody around me.But this became a huge problem since i came to Ghaziabad.

I've met so many people in the past six days. I think i can recognize 4 or 5 of them (which is a great achievement for me by the way!). But more often than not, i encounter the following situation.

some guy: Hi, Dude, how are u?

Me: (blank stare) Um,.... i am fine.

Guy: So,how was ur class??

Me: (racking my brains to remember this person) Yeah, everything is fine.

Guy: Yesterday was fun, wasn't it??

Me: (to my self) .Here is some clue. I met him yesterday and did something fun. That narrows it down a little but still i can't tell who he is.

( to that guy): yeah. It was.

(Looking at watch) OOps, gotta go. see u around.Bye!!!

Pathetic, Isn't it??

But fortunately, there is a solution to this ordeal.

I plan to get myself a face recognisition software.

I got to fix this inside my brain some where.

Now this would maintain the database of everyface my eyes see. And matches a new face with the database and send the relevent information to my brain.

There is some risk involved,ofcourse!

There is a slight chance that This machine will act by itself and take control over my mind like in sci fi movies, but i am okay with that. Frankly, I am not doing great on my own anyway!

Dance Pe Chance Maar Liya....

Okay, so i was minding my own business, toiling in induction classes of my MBA programme all day, listening to presentations and guest lectures till midnight, then circling the ground running and yelling," Mein emraan hashmi hoon, mujhe mallika chaahiye!", Thanks to the ragging (or "Personality Developing Programme" as our seniors call it. Some managers they are!).Just when i thought life was okay, Universe showed its figurative finger to me....

Last night, our seniors got bored with our singing and dancing and other sttuff, and decided that it was high time something new was done. So ordered all the boys to throw our shoes at a place, and ordered girls to select one. Apprantly the couple got to do paper dance.

Just as you know, my dancing skills are only matched by my skill of talking to girls. So its kind of a double trouble. But i didn't panic. our college has the worst sex ratio in the whole world. 400:20. What is the probability of a girl selecting my shoe out of 400??? I am safe. or so i thought!

But i 've forgotten taking into account the fact that the universe Hates me! So, in no time, i was standing infront of a girl with paper under our legs and music ringing all around us. Now my only hope was if this girl also was a pathetic dancer. so i've decided to ask her. But before the words escaped my mouth ,she said " cool! I've never lost a dance competion so far. Lets rock the floor. What say??

My feet were sending signals of "May day! May day!" to my brain. But my brain was too busy devicing a plan to escape out of this torture.

"So, um, listen" I said in my best samaritan voice," If you are not comfortable with this, we can drop out!"

"No,No! I've no reservations. I am totally cool with this" with her response my last hope was shattered.

so, Dance it is.....

The humiliation,also known as dance to some people, started. I've wasted no time in letting the world know my dancing skills. Soon there were a hoard of seniors around me enjoying themselves.They might as well get some pop corn and settle in! I started swinging my body here and there in the hope of passing it off as dance but in vain. the girl is visibily frustrated and barking instructions left and right.

"Don't step off the paper!!!!!"

"Duuuuuude! What are you doing?"

" swing ur arms, Like this! Its not rocket science,u know!"

A senior came to me and said,"You are a Loser,man! did u know that?"

"All along,sir" i replied with a smile. never before i was so sure of that fact as i am now

Amidist all this chaos, first round completed. And the dancing got a lot dirtier. don't get any ideas, because i was refering to quality of my dance there! We were inches apart, and i was sweating like hell. i have no place to move and her barkings became a lot louder. She seemed very determined to win this competion. Poor thing!

Things got a lot worse in next round. She had to stand on my feet and i had to hold her. You might think it was romantic,but I was crying rivers inside with pain as my toes were slowly dying.

My moves (if u call them that) got more awkward,and i was praying for this torture to complete.

In desperation, i contemplated selling my soul to the devil,but was not sure if he would be interested in a non-christian one! But before i can take any drastic decision, It all ended as we lost balance and stepped out of the paper.

I let out a big sigh. the girl threw a disgusting look at me and went away as quickly as she can. I think i heard her muttering under her breath something like "..ckin.. dork!"

I never felt so relieved in my whole life. And i am done with dancing. Now my only worry is that every time i see this girl in the future, i have to jump into a nearby bush and hide myself...