MY PERFECT SUICIDE PLAN

I've decided to commit suicide.Life is just not worth living. Don't try to convince me about the beauty of life and the love of your family. I've reached this decision after considerable thought and It is full and final.

Don't ask me why i want to end my life.Don't ask me what's wrong with my life? Coz evrything is wrong with my life. This is not the life i wanted to live. This is not the job i wanted to do. I don't have any big troubles like our tollywood heroes.But I hate my life. It is just.... empty! Hopelessly empty.....! I was not sure about the hopelessness of the situation untill today,but now i am.There is only one way i can end this misery,by ending my life!

Now that i've decided to kill myself,the next big question is how??I've ruled out orthodox techniques like jumping off buildings,setting fire to myself,or putting my head on the railway tracks.because,ummm.... they hurt! Apparantly dyng is more painful than living,And there is a non zero chance that my life will get back on track sometime in the future. It is not optimism,god forbid!Its the rule of the probability and the rule of the universe!I don't want my soul or spirit or whatever it is to have following conversation with god....

soul: Hello, god boy! So u exist,huh??
God: You are surely one sorry guy,aren't u??.Why did u kill urself??
soul:got bored of life,u know!didn't felt like living....
God: Um.... Are u aware that 10 of your female friends secretly love you, Your rich distant relative wrote his entire property in your name and you will be the most popular 'life-of-the-party-guy' in 5 years??
soul: Oops!
God: Never mind. Any way, i've developed a random birth allocator. and lets see whats your next birth....uh,oh! a bug!
soul:There is a bug in your code??
God: NO.... It is your next birth.a Bug!
Soul: NNNNNNNNOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

See??? I don't want my afterlife to suck more than my real life. So i thought hard and came with a perfect sucide plan.HOld your breath....

I've decided to follow the best unhealthiest life style.No healthy food,No healthy drinks,No exercise.My diet conists of junk food,noodles,pizzas,burgers and all the bad stuff.I will eat whenver i feel like it. I will skip breakfasts and lunches and live on biscuits and chips on holidays.I will sleep irregualarly,eat irregularly.With all this unholy diet, i hope i can get a heart attack by the age of 40.

Your first reaction might be along the lines of " What the *&^#?".I understand.Because only a genius mind (like mine) can comprehend the ingenuity of this plan.Since most of you folks are clueless dorks(admit it,its true!),i will take the responsibility of explaining the genius of this plan.
since i've decided to die at the age of fourty,I don't need to bother about my retirement,hence no need to bother about savings,No need to bother about career,no need to kiss-ass ur boss.

Dying at forty means no need to marry and no children.

Its all downhill from the forties anyway. so i wil live the good part of my life to the fullest,and then while others are waiting for the sweet hug of death, i will be proactive and run into its arms.
And eating your way to a heart attack is techinically not suicide. so even if god exists, i think i can come out clean, NO "killing urself is a sin"will apply to me...

the best part of the plan is,if in the future, penelope cruz comes to me and begs me to shag her(thanks to austin powers,this is my new favourite word!),I will be available.

I realize that the possibility of that happening is slim,but hey, i am not a optimal optimist!

And suddenly if my life takes a sharp U-turn,I can always behave good again,and in 10 years,medical science will be good enough to make me clean enough to live a healthy life again...So,My plan 'B' is also ready!

The only risk as i see it is that i may die at 39 instead of 40 if i overdid my crazy plan.but i am willing to take that risk.
Wish me luck......